G is for Gastro-stop
H is for Hydrocortisone
I is for Idamycin
J is for ?
K is for Kidrolase
L is for Lansoprasole
M is for Mercaptopurine
N is for Norethisterone
O is for Ondansatron
P is for Prednisolone
Q is for Quinine
R is for Resprim
S is for Septrim
T is for Trimovate
U is for Umberlase
V is for Vincristine
W is for Wellbutin
X is for Xanax
Y is for Yutopar
Z is for Zantac
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[this is an excerp from a post I made on another 'leukaemia support' site back in 2006 in the UK]
It came about one night while out to dinner with friends, I wanted to sit at a particular table and my friends wanted to sit at another. Having always liked to 'win' I put on my best sulky face and said, 'Oh, but I have cancer!' A few of my friends then said, 'can you actually claim things if you have cancer?' I looked at one thick friend and said 'no, you idiot, its like a 'sympathy card' - you dont physically have a card...'
Later when I told my father about this misunderstanding he came up with this brilliant set of rules for we cancer sufferers and I will type it out below for you all. Be sure to experient at your own peril:
This is to certify that the bearer..................................... (print name) has had cancer, the big C, spanish dancer, etc., of one kind or another.
The effects of the treatment are many and varied, as is the individuals response, and many non-camcer sufferers fail to understand this.
Accordingly, this card entitles the bearer to a range of considerations, including but not limited to the following:
* Queue free acess to any event, gathering, fascility or public infrastructure.
* A seat of the bearer's choice on all public transport.
* A guaranteed prize in all state and international lotteries.
* Access to a designated "big C" check out at all supermarkets (superfast lane).
* Free access to any public toilet or other fascility requiring coin entry.
* Garbage servises to collect at designated times so as not to disturb the sleep of the card holder.
*Special 2 for 1 meal deals at all fast food outlets, year round, not just when asvertised.
* Immediate assistance in any retail store when shopping, by trained staff, not juniors.
* Advance notice of specials, sales, promotions, deals, discounts, etc at chosen retail outlets.
* Use of device to immediately change traffic lights/pedestrian crossing to suit the card holder.
* Use of similar device to hold trains, buses etc if cardholder is running a little late.
* Vending machines to always return more in change than the amount tendered
*..................................................(other, card holder to enter)
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Hi Hugh, interesting questions, did writing give me back some control? Probably, though not the kind of control I want or need. When I write it is often a cathartic exercise - a diary of sorts, but more specific and less juvenile. I like words and I like being able to manipulate them and make them do what I want, so I suppose there is an element of control there.
You said something about shadows too - I feel like my medical history has cast a large shadow over my life for sure, but occassionally I can write about other things, like my one about the art teacher with the fat wife and delinquent son. As I am posting these on a "cancer site" I was trying to stick to relevant pieces.
Anyway, thanks for your comment, hope you have a good day.
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Awareness blinks twice then rubs bleary eyes.
I remember where I am.
Back in this country, in this life
I ran away from all those years ago.
I want to cry but the energy it takes to sit up and get dressed
Has stripped me of the ability to do anything but
Sit on the edge of my bed and stare at the wall.
Lucidity takes an hour to arrive and only the
Whiteboard with directives for the month
Tells me today is a day filled with study.
Recent routines remind me to open blinds,
Turn on the radio and get a banana and juice for breakfast.
The sun is shining outside but I am not.
I don’t want to be here
My life is out of my control, my grip has loosened
and I don’t know how to get it back
And only shadows shall remain.
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I wrote this back in 2006 when I was having a few issues with pain. From memory, I think trying to put the feeling into words helped take my mind off it (for a short time anyway) - it's better than just lying there and staring at the ceiling, waiting for it to end!
Random Writing: Experiencing Pain
“Time stops with pain and slowly ticks backwards. A pain that rips through you like a darkness untouched, unparalleled by anything in nature, impervious to anything real.
There is a type of pain that surpasses all description and bleeds into a dark nothingness that can not be touched by the human mind.
Tears and screaming muffled by a blackness that overcomes everything real. You start to question whether you are still whole, or if pieces of you have actually started to break away.
Five hours of a hollow pain where dark shadows scream past to avoid being sucked into the void of all that can not be done to ease the torment. Where even dark shadows are afraid to linger over the screaming madness.”
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.