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I'm thinking that as Dad is quite young then you are as well. I also expect sharing with friends of similar age is difficult. I understand your feelings of having to be on top of everything for the family's sake. I have just been through the same situation. I am glad you have the courage to speak out here. Guilt and sadness are normal. Guilt and grief for all the disagreements and hurts...and sadness for the times and opportunities missed.  A wonderful person connected with me on this group when I feared I was talking into the abyss. Their words have been like a little candle helping to show the way through, despite their own journey. My wish for you is that you find such a person here or anywhere else who will be that calming presence like this person has been for me. ... View more

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Well Darcy, you either know me in some way, or you have ESP. Christopher left us yesterday morning at 2.20. He was at home, comfortable and surrounded by his family. Despite having anti agitation meds and morphine he still tried to talk to us...probably to tell us how to do things . Even think we heard him say he wanted to get up for a cigarette. He even managed to force out through his fog an Val...love you" which I don't deserve. I'd started calling him face ache over the years and when his Mum and partner left his room I said "G'day face ache" and he smiled and replied "Hi face ache". I think we had an amazing team around him. Lucky to have a daughter in law who is an oncology nurse. She drew up more morphine for us...otherwise we would have panicked if we were running out. I think we helped him have the best death we could, given how strong willed he was. It was something I worried about not getting right, but we stepped up and managed it. I think it is the biggest job I have ever done and hopefully ever will.   How are things for you? ... View more

Hi Darcy, We have the close family rallying to sit my stepson if I have to go to work or do errands. I feel crowded actually, especially by his Mum. I know she is willing to help but she likes to give me her 'expert' opinion on how to manage things in my own home. I feel when ever she is there she gets in to the bedroom with the nurse and I tend to retreat because there are too many bodies in there, subsequently I miss some information. She always seems to huff and puff and ask inane questions and doesn't lift a finger to help in between tending to my stepson. The irony is that she and my stepson don't get along and that she more or less relinquished care of him to my husband when he was 2 years of age. LOL I don't seem to play well with others.    Anyways.    How are you doing? ... View more

Well the puppo walker came for the first time and I can't express how happy I was and how happy my dogs were. They love her. Little things like feeling happy for 2 minutes is like taking an energy and happy pill ... View more

Oh bless him...funny how the first thing we think of is losing our hair.  Knowing now first hand what it is like as a carer, and having sprouted all the text book hints about what to do for a carer I CAN suggest a couple of things.   When someone offers to help...hold them to it. You may feel too overwhelmed to think of something straight away, however, you will get to a point where you feel that you want to ask. So whilst you can think of the tasks which can be delegated so as to give you time for quality time with your hubs AND importantly with yourself. Kick that guilt thing out the door when it comes to 'self care'. And look, it doesn't have to be something exotic like yoga and running 500 kms....or even Day Spa stuff. It can diarising time each day where you read, look out the window, journal, colour in, sit in the sun or moonlight, call someone who makes you feel good. In this way, not only are you experiencing self love, you also 'look forward to it'. This helps the psyche very much. So if it means getting next doors 13 year old to water your garden for a few dollars while you enjoy yourself...do it. I have had to bite the bullet and have a dog walker come three times a week. Being tight fisted I have wrestled with the cost, but it frees up time to have quality time with whoever I choose...the puppoes included. ... View more

Hi Darcy, I have been selfish in being unaware of your own challenges and I apologize.    When I was in community care, coordinating professional carers, something I felt strongly about was allowing the cancer experiencer to have as much autonomy as was safe to do so. Of course this does work differently with various personalities and temperaments.  My message was to follow the person's lead. ...hat almost nothing was out of bounds so long as everyone was safe. And in the meantime gently  and quietly pick up the reigns as they fall. Keeping a sense of humour helped as well, and also being there when you say you will be....keeping them up to date if you are heating a wheatie up which is taking damnably too long for them..that sort of thing.    One strong piece of information and advice I will give anyone to really, really keep to is to not hide behind busyness to avoid seeing them in the processes of their illness and ultimately their death. I would say absorb  e-v-e-r-y  single moment, every sound, touch...everything. Thank your grief for being there to look after you but ask it to sit beside you while you do this. You will have the rest of your life to grieve......you will only have the rest of theirs to be there with them.   Vxx ... View more

LOL.....I seem to love chasing my feelings down and kicking them in the shins to make sure they react and don't respond...even though I know better 🙂 ... View more

Hi Darcy,   Yumssss..thank you.   His Oncologist has taken him off the Lonsurf as its side effects are causing more harm than good. He looks awful. And as I flip from cross step mum to compassionate step mum I find myself wishing I would wake from this nightmare :(. It is horrible   V ... View more