I don't know what is worse...having a long illness and slow decline.....one which goes bam! And even with a slow decline, when death approaches, it approaches faster than we expect; blind siding us.   I'm so sad you weren't able to be near Dad, he sounds remarkable ... View more

Oh sweet lady. You are awesome. I know it is inappropriate but I wish I could support you more. It seems to me that your outlet is helping others....that's me too. I stayed on line with a dear woman who was sitting with her husband in the  US...hospice while he died.... using what I knew from my experience with Chris....I was there for her as you have been for others  and me in the forum. Gosh this is special stuff. I do believe the wounded heal their wounds by being there for others.   As to hubs not having a bucket list....I feel his is fixing the place up for you my lovexx ... View more

Hmmmm I would find that quite disorienting. I hope you have networks to look after the place while you are away?  Sooo big smoke being Sydney or Melbourne, or Brizzy? Is there some way I can support you?   Regarding us, we went away for a few days to Armidale and to Willow Tree near Tamworth. Some good friends came up to join...bless em...but I would have liked to have hubs to myself. I know he isn't vulnerable but I feel vulnerable for him...does that make sense? And a close friend lost his sister in law on the weekend. She had lung cancer, was doing well, even kayaking for heaven's sake. Off to have 3 litres of fluid drained then the shyte hit the fan...gone within 2 days ... View more

How are you going Darcy? I see you posting for others...and so am wondering how YOU are  🙂 ... View more

Thank you Darcy   So you are settling into your new normal (for now). Who would have thought we would say managing around chemo and doc appointments was somewhat of a relief. At the time of being diagnosed we are just trying to deal with that then things like infections, emergency surgery and all sorts besiege us with more bombs to fend off.   Well I sit here quietly breathing and e-holding your hand as you have done with mine x ... View more

Thanks Darcy. That is kind of you.  We are plodding along up and down.   How are things going for you? ... View more

Hi  There are several losses you are managing through. You have lost a wonderful relationship with your Dad,....you didn't get the chance to digest his diagnosis because everything happened so fast..... you couldn't be with him and/or your family because of COVID19.....you weren't able to attend his funeral (which is so important for you).....you have lost many years of relationship with Dad,  being just 26.... you have lost something of yourself and identity and you have lost your feeling of surety and security with having your Dad physically in your young life. It sound like...to me... that somehow Dad always seemed to 'make it right'?   Our lives are permanently changed.  Whilst I didn't have the relationship I think you had with your Dad, mine died when I was 24. I grieved the loss of making the relationship better. So I also believe you are grieving your future without Dad? I feel there is a sense of betrayal by 'the Universe' because he was so fit and strong and this was out of the blue and just should not have happened? There was no chance to hold him and talk to him and just...take him in one last chance.    Time has been taken from you and yet the age old platitude of Time Heals gets bounced around. But sometimes that bleeding wound doesn't want to close and if it does it leaves a scar, a reminder. Time and nurture can enable you to mend,  and incorporate the loss and sadness and...the missing into your life.    If you feel you can 'talk' to me I'm not sure but I think if you click my user name and your message goes to a private conversation. I've had my share of death and loss and I have big ears for listening with 🙂 ... View more

😞   ... View more

Hi Ribs, Yes it is a selfish and mean spirited act. Cancer does not just impact the good people. From how I read your words, your partner was like this before the diagnosis? That his behaviour became worse during the cancer?  You are very dissappointed by his withholding the news because it would have freed you and the family from all the misgivings and heartache of the unknown.  You are angry and I don't blame you. It is no way to treat someone who demonstrated they were there for him. What messages can you take away from all this that tell you where you fit in to all  this? How does staying serve you? Can it be salvaged and would he try? ... View more

xxx ... View more