Thank you for checking Darcy. I'd say my stepson has 4 weeks at the very outside. He seems to be now coming to terms. What is so frustrating is he has wasted his time trying to 'think' his way out of it and arguing with the specialists and not complying with some aspects of his drugs and health plan. He has continued to smoke throughout though he was told to stop to give himself the best chance. He refused to take the anti nausea drugs resulting in vomiting for months, resulting in massive weight loss, inefficiency of the chemo and now the Lonsurf . He and I will attempt a project of wrapping Christmas presents and write cards for his two nephews.  He now has the Palliative Nurse coming in setting up his driver full of anti nausea meds...and ultimately his pain management. The Calvary Palliative Doctor came yesterday and she is an angel. She gently but firmly discussed the Ambulance directive with him as well as resus options, stating she would not be encouraging them to resus Chris because it would be too traumatic on his body with no gain. These are conversations w e have tried to have with him...'but what would we know being is parents' xxx.    He now has some OT equipment which he has finally accepted.   He is incredibly tired and the difficult conversations have really rocked him. But they have enabled us to talk more about signing his Will, funerals and coffins...things that 'I' want him to have control over..if you know what I mean?   My husband is keeping himself very busy at work in order to cope and I get that. And I am picking up all the care  activities as I used to be in Aged Care. However, I have a chronic pain and fatigue disease and my body is wearing out....that is frustrating to me as this is another level of loss, because I used to be so capable. I have asked for leave from my work as a Male Domestic Violence Case Coordinator because I can't work with these vulnerable men on the phone at home with interruptions all day which I can't set times to.    I know you will say "don't apologize" but I apologize for being so long winded. Thank you for being there 🙂   V         ... View more

Thank you Darcy,   Strange as this sounds...I have printed out this last message and have it by the computer for support.    🙂 ... View more

Thank you Darcy. Your presence is very reassuring. Usually it is me being the one checking on others. I am a counselor so my go to is to look out for others and particularly now our family. It's been a long road  even prior to diagnosis with our 'cancer kid'. I have to say I feel very alone at the moment. Being the stepmum, my husband's siblings, their wives and his friends don't correlate the impact on me. I asked him if anyone asks him how I'm going and he was gob smacked when he realized they haven't. My friends ask after him all the time. It could be a male thing...I love men by the way so not man blaming. This experience has given me much insight into the needs of those on this side of the fence. As a  volunteer with a Palliative care Hospital I can see how far removed 'we' have become from really addressing the needs of families and cancer experiencers. Just because someone doesn't ask for help does not mean they don't desperately need it. It is so sad that it has come down to incidents and insurance 😞   Anyway we are now entering the pointy end with possibly 6 weeks at best to go. So no amount of biopsies are going to help 😕   Thank you again for being that gentle set of eyes looking out for me...and others here x ... View more

Hi Darcy, From my observation our son's Oncologist hasn't been as informative in a way that we could understand and it has been frustrating that as he is her client, she will not divulge any information unless he agrees. I mean he agrees but we only hear her when we are there in the appointment. He doesn't tell us much. So we feel like we are in the dark and ineffective. I feel that the Oncologist, whether it is policy or personal, will not give us a very likely prognosis. She runs with his guess at 6 months. We are here guessing he has two months. In the meantime he is desperately looking for ways of beating it, but one look at him tells us differently 😞 ... View more

Hi, What's it been like for you these last two weeks? I'm thinking it hurts your heart seeing your husband disappearing before your eyes. x ... View more

Thank you Darcy. I sometimes feel like I am talking into the void 😞   ... View more

Hi Cath1,   See the thing is Cancer doesn't just strike the grace filled, wonderful, kind and stoic people we see in the movies. It strikes the awful, self centred and nasty as well. And as the one caring for them a rational human would feel angry and resistant. And the outside world that has not witnessed the bad behaviour covers our shoulders with this cloak which symbolises all these wonderful traits of caring, forgiveness, strength and the expectation that we can put aside the betrayal, the hurt and nastiness that the Cancer experiencer has levelled at us. It sounds wrong to us....we shouldn't feel this way....this person has Cancer...we should be bigger than this. I have come to the realisation that my stepson will die as he lived...selfish, argumentative, narcissistic, and abusive. I have tried to slip into that cloak and have kinder thoughts but after 24 years of abuse, bad behaviour, alcoholism and theft he and I and his father have arrived at 3 months to go before he dies. It has taken a shift for me to step into his carer's shoes. I now do his washing and cleaning, things till now I have refused to do. It is disgusting going into his living space because I know this is how he has always lived but God knows when the OT came and saw what it was like up there I thought I can't stand outsiders thinking this is how we live or worse how WE treat HIM.   He continues to argue, demand a second opinion, speaks horribly about his Oncologist but for 18 months did nothing about a second opinion...he continues to smoke like a chimney which reduced the efficiency of the chemo...and didn't exercise or do anything meaningful with his remaining months/years.   I have spent 24 years hoping he would change...and the fact is he won't. Now that I have put that aside I can breathe. It won't stop me being wary of being taken advantage of...even during this final time.....but I am starting to sort through it. And dare I say it....hoping it ends soon....there... I said it!   xx ... View more

Good evening Patches. It sounds really lonely where you are? How are you? Thinking of you in these quiet hours...xx ... View more

Cancer does not only effect good and gracious people. It also latches on to nasty self absorbed individuals. His behaviours have been learned from his parents. I am sad to say that nothing good will come of this no matter how much sacrifice and heart ache you invest. You may not have signed up for the cancer ...but you most definitely did not sign up to be abused. time to go hun ... View more