I like the anonymity of the ordinary very much. I still really enjoy going to the mall for a silent walk amongst humanity, without being noticed, without anyone asking me how I am and without any real plan at all. Just the walk. One foot after the other. It is still a great feeling. Four years ago I was in the stage you are in and the walk through the mall was the highlight of my week. Years later I can still feel that experience and can recognise it in your words now. It becomes a permanent thing. The mall becomes a symbol of everyday life. And that is good. You have that to look forward to! Enjoy. H ... View more

Hi Camilla It is interesting reading your thoughts on your friend. It is like you are running across a terrain full of obstacles and you are picking your way through it all. Does that ring true? The thing is it is likely to be the same for your friend as well. She won't have a single point of view on it all either. She will be darting in and out of corners and dead ends, just like you. Just make sure that you don't expect a single point of view from her. Let her go a bit. I have noticed that the 'sick person' often gets asked to play a role that suits everyone else. Especially the health industry. Watch out for that. H ... View more

I think chemo reduces the capacity of your blood cells to carry oxygen around your body, hence the fatigue. Either red or white, can't remember which. Too tired to remember. There's nothing to do but ride it out; reduce your expectations of daily life if need be. The week after chemo is the worst for blood levels I think. ... View more

Hi neen Thanks for the post. It sounds like there is a lot of love in your family. The little one is amazing, being able to cut through the surface and say that to you. From my experience I can see that your response to all this is not going to be the same as your husband's or your daughter's. Each of them is asking the same question as you, ie. what does this mean for me? And each of them is going to have to find an answer for themselves. Your daughter is clearly well down the track with that, even at such a young age, and you should be very proud of her. But she is going to have to find her way of dealing with it. The only help you can give, in my view, is to try and understand that. Same for your husband, although you can talk about reactions with him in more detail, of course. You would be loving them without the illness. So keep doing that. Don't put pressure on yourself here. You need to conserve energy. H ... View more

good comments, everyone...listen to some of that jazz you like so much (it's 3.14am and I am full of Dexamethasone, hence sitting here reading this instead of sleeping) ... View more

I know what you mean. It took me a long time to realise that I was devoting energy to other people because I felt guilty about having cancer. Once I stopped feeling as though I had done something wrong I was able to just let things be a bit more. H ... View more

Thanks for the update. Reads to me like you are in a good space. Speaking of jsbach I recommend Glenn Gould's Goldberg Variations (both of them) as great to sit and write to. 200 words is good. Some days I am really thrilled to get down 200 words. This site is good for letting it just come out as it wants to, don't you think? My son is in Dresden doing a Master of Musicology on a contemporary of Bach, Zelenka. Brag over. H ... View more

I watched the entire DVD collection of The Wire early this year. Filled up weeks and weeks of chair time. I'm watching Mad Men now, and might get out The West Wing after that. Chemo brain demands that I have good entertainment available at all times. H ... View more

You can still laugh at us. It's much more palatable with some humour. Good health professionals are amazing people, aren't they. Even so, there's a fair bit that they just can't do for you. H ... View more