"New Me" is unacceptable
Yes I do take this "new Me" crap personally. So I failed to do my research and pretty much laid on my back bared my neck and allowed others to take charge of treating my cancer.
Hell, at 62 I'd lived a good full life and didn't particularly care if death was at hand. It's a New Yorker Thing from my youth I think.
But now I'm facing whatever the rest of my life is with week after week of Side Effects "They" glossed over or sometimes simply "neglected" to mention.
Let's be real-using the term THEY is an excuse for ME not having done my research and taken a proactive stance on a treatment that could redefine the rest of my life!
I now realize that the "rest of my life" might be a long time and that I don't care to be a "New Me". This Woody Neck, lack of stamina, paranoia (where any cough, any ache, any weakness sets off "CANCER! CANCER!" Alarms) is not the Joe I will accept.
So I've found some alternative way to fight the returned cancer. Will it work? I know Radiation/Chemo didn't. And the side effects-the inability to swallow, Aspirating and accompanying lung issues, lymphoedema, fibrosis, muscular atrophy and blah blah is too stiff a price to pay. But I'm slowly beating each.
So yeah, I want the Old Me back.
So far I am winning. The Swallowing battles. The lymphoedema battle (funny I never thought myself as particularly handsome-but a sight better than the Half Moon faced stranger I grew tired of seeing in the mirror!). The Inability to Gain Weight issue. The fatigue issue and its accompanying Lack of Motivation brother (reason why I won't touch any Hemp oil products for pain). And, Oh, did I mention pain? Thank God I found a way to beat ED just before going into Chemo/Radio Alley
I'm winning by researching each little side effect and trying what might work until I come across something that does. I'm winning because in the worse of times it hasn't been bad enough to run to the hospital and signed over another piece of my mortgage.
I'm winning because each day I look and feel a little better ...sure, a little older and a bit more worn, perhaps, and yes there's Good Days and Bad Days-but I've taken control of defining Me...not a "New Me" but the Best Me I'm capable of becoming.
Do your research. Be the Best You you can be.
Cheers, Joe.
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