Hi Aina,   I think Budgie has replied to your post.  I'm hoping for you that this is a false alarm.  I have daughters and daughters in law that have had an abnormal pap smear.  It's just abnormal and so far has not been diagnosed as cancer.  They've had to go and have further tests but luckily no cancer was found.  I'm hoping the same outcome for you and will keep my fingers crossed.   Don't stress just yet.  It's unconfirmed and yes it is a worry but either way it will be diagnosed soon.  Good luck and I hope your news is good. ... View more

Good morning to you all.   I've read through these posts and it's really a normal reaction and she of the advice is really good.  CaptainAustralia is right with the distractions.  I make glass beads but have not been able to make any since my diagnosis.  I'm determined to start again once the weather cools.  In the meantime I have knitted about 20 scarves from all the left over wool from years of knitting.  Finished embroidery for some of my quilts too.  I've also been challenging myself by cooking from an amazing patisserie book and feed my grandchildren the results when they come over after school.     I've said this in other posts but will repeat it for you.  I had been on an antidepressant for years before my diagnosis.  It was prescribed by a rheumatologist as I had osteoarthritis in my shoulder that did not respond to a cortisone injection.  The drug is called Amiltryptolene and the brand name is Endep.  It is used for nerve pain, has a side affect of sleepiness so only take at night and strengthens the bladder.  It also has a side effect of thirst.  It's very mild and my GP said she's had people on it for years and years into their 80's.  When I was in hospital they increased my 25mg dose to 50mg.  The best time of day for me is when I take that tablet at night and I know I will get 10 to 12 hours of deep sleep.  I think there's nothing worse than those midnight hours of sleeplessness so I really appreciate it.  I think all the sleep has also helped me to recover because it is good for the body to sleep.  It's the only medication I am on.  I hope that helps.     My garden has also been a great comfort.  43 degree days are not the best for the garden or for my bees but we survived it yesterday and had lovely rain overnight and cooler temperatures for a few days to come.  I am growing sunflowers from seeds I collected from last year's sunflowers so that my bees have really good resources.  Also lots of bee friendly flowers.     I hope your journey through this nightmare is a good one, even though there's nothing good about it.  I hope you come through this and the news is good or as good as it can be.  If you're not happy with your surgeon go to another one.  You have to be confident in him/her completely.  Please keep us updated on how things go for you.  We're on this journey together and I have loved having this forum to discuss these issues within.   ... View more

Hi Archie, Chris and all,   Archie my tumour was also in the left submandibular gland.   Chris I'm really glad y made it through all your treatment  I'm in the same boat as you with dry mouth (meaning constantly dry to the point everything sticks together), lack of appetite and taste.  I've found it almost impossible to eat without an appetite.  I make myself eat at least once per day.  I was sucking on English toffee lollies for months.  A few packets per day as it helped keep my mouth lubricated.  I recently read the ingredients on the packet and stopped buying them straight away.  I'll have to find something else.  They have about 5 different types of sugar in them, cream and whey powder.  No wonder my weight wasn't dropping at all.  I will give a packet to my surgeon and tell him to recommend for those who lose weight too fast and dramatically.  Chris do you worry that your mouth will be like that forever?  I do and I think it's difficult.  It's hard to explain but I find it incredible uncomfortable.  Not painful at all just continuously uncomfortable, dry stiff and numb in parts.     Archie what state are you in?  Good luck with your radiotherapy.  It is a long and tedious process but necessary.   I never enjoyed weekends so much before until throughout the treatment.  You will get through it and the people involved are usually wonderfully kind.   ... View more

Hi Captain Australia,   Great to hear your update.  3 years is good.  It must be wonderful to be there for the birthdays of your boys and even getting lumbered with a puppy can be joyful.  I hope the dog becomes your constant companion.  I couldn't imagine life without my dogs.  They make me smile at least 10 times a day.  My bees make me smile about 5 times a day when I go and visit them as I'm like a new mum with a big brood.  Always checking that they're doing their job - as if they need supervision!  You do sound as if you're surviving and thriving.  Very brave taking up learning guitar!  Hope it goes well for you and either way - it brings you comfort.     I look back on this year and know it was a really tough year in many ways.  Yet, we're still here and yes, it's not over yet.  I'm off to QLD at the end of the week with my husband, eldest daughter, son in law and two grandchildren.  We're staying at the Greenmount Hotel which is right on the beach itself.  I'm really looking forward to the trip.  When we get back, I start fittings with the Dental Department to have new dentures made that will take about 3 months to complete.  Lots of swimming, fun in the waves, long walks and good weather.     I wonder if this has all changed me as a person.  I feel much more anxious - all the time.   I now tend to get even more stressed if I know I have to be around people for any length of time.  I have lived in a silent cocoon healing from the treatment and have kept myself quite separate.  Christmas was hard because you're around people and eating with people which adds another level of stress.  I can eat very little still and it takes me a long time to eat anything except yoghurt.  I have never felt time drag ever before but in the last few months I've struggled to get through the very long days.  I have taken up drinking.  I figure not drinking didn't stop me getting cancer and drinking now might numb my feelings a bit.  (I say that and have had 2 toblerone cocktails in the last 10 days).  I aim to get better at drinking.  I had a glass of muscato tonight and that's a huge step for me.  43 degree day helped me to justify that it might help.  It was quite refreshing and sweet.  I went to a party recently for my son's birthday and all his friends knew I'd had cancer and came to talk to me about it.  I absolutely hated it.  I wished that no one knew but that's not possible as my son probably needed other people to talk to.  I stayed about half an hour and had to go.  It was terribly uncomfortable.     These are just a few changes I've noticed.  I guess I need to work through them.  I'm not really taking up drinking I think.  Just trying to find ways to make it through a day.     I loved your update Captain.  Thank you.   ... View more

Hi Archie,   I'm really sorry about your diagnosis.   I know it's terrible news and it takes a while for it all to sink in.   It sounds as if you've already had your surgery.  What was the site of your ACC? If you've had surgery, what hospital and where will you be having your radiotherapy?  What are your side effects?   ... View more

Hi Claire,   Glad to see your post and Hawaii?  Sounds wonderful.  Good to know that you're around and struggling as some of us are too.     If I wasn't on strong anti depressants - I'd say I was depressed but I can't be so must just be gloomy or something.  My mouth is dry and totally uncomfortable.  Feeling really weak this week and I think not eating has nutritionally caught up with me.  School holidays have started for some of the grandchildren so that's not something I was ready for.  Difficult being around people all day again.  Have tried to avoid that at all costs.  Can't even think about Christmas yet.     On a positive note my hair is getting a little better.  I don't know what I want or what would make any of this feel better.  Luckily, my dogs have been great day time company.  Haven't walked anywhere or done anything towards improving fitness.  Just don't have the energy.  Barely scraping through day by day.  Days are long.  Less days in pj's is possibly a good thing.   Going before I depress myself even further but these are all "of the bits".   ... View more

Hi KateKat and everyone,   Nothing much has changed here.  I'm 3 months post radiation and still without an appetite.  Have kept very much to myself.  Have had a few times where I've had to pull myself together and go to business meetings.  It's been a stressful time with the company that bought our business going into voluntary dissolution before they paid us.  Luckily, we found another business to go to who will help us get through the crisis until we're back on our feet.  Hopefully, we will survive this set back.     I can't think of much else to say.  Still knitting scarves and don't have much energy at all.  Little bit of gardening but that's all.  Bees are going well and seem very happy as in going into the hive with lots of pollen on their back legs.  Dogs are well too.     Today will be a better day. x ... View more

Bees arrived this morning.  Very exciting times! ... View more

P.S.  My bees are arriving today.  Very excited.  Will post pictures. ... View more

Hi Phil,   What a rollercoaster for you!  Until your partner goes into hospital you don't realise how awful it is for the one at home.  My husband jumped off a table at a party with his sun glasses on - somehow misjudged the depth and did somethings to his feet, shins and legs.  Couldn't walk.  Few days in hospital.  Not life threatening and I found it to be really stressful.  I am really glad your wife survived and is getting better.  It certainly puts everything into perspective.  We only have right now.  No one knows what is around the corner and that's probably a good thing.     I'm also glad that you've finished your chemotherapy.  Yes, consider yourself cured and move forward and onward somehow.  Every day is the best day from now on because you'll both be very grateful to have survived and possibly learned great coping skills for whatever happens in the future.  2019 has been a challenging year!  It's also been a year full of love, support, happiness - perhaps bit harder to find - joy, laughter and dark humour.  Not all bad.   I had a lovely phone call from my youngest son yesterday on way to meeting.  He asked me how I was and he gave me a thorough scolding.  Had I taken recent blood tests?  Was I taking any iron?  Yes, I put the sachets of liquid iron near the kettle 3 weeks ago but hadn't taken any.  Why?  I don't have juice to put it in.  Why?  I'm too tired to go to supermarket.  He told me to send him shopping lists, for goodness sake!  What was I eating?  Told him not much.  I'd had to ask my husband to make me eat a small meal with him every night recently as I could go days without eating and would often lie to him that I had already eaten before he came home.  After that confession, I made heaps of mashed carrots, endive, red cabbage and potato - separate (not together) meals,  about 2 weeks worth of spaghetti bolognese, easy to eat and frozen meals ready for weeks ahead.  Can't face soup although am about to make a big pea and ham soup.  He asked me if I had been back to Naturopath?  No.  He was getting a bit annoyed and said that if I was one of my own children, what would I do.  He says I'd be dragging them to the Naturopath and force feeding them by now.  I have to lift my game or he's going to be really annoyed.  He's going to make me one of his super soups.     It actually gave me a wake up call. I need to do better.  Went to supermarket on way home from meeting.  Bought juice and actually put the liquid iron in it and drank the whole thing!  I am going to do better.  Somehow I was waiting for appetite to return but it still hasn't and I find it incredibly hard to eat when not hungry.  It's just so unnatural.  I think in the meantime I have to set some eating goals and at least try to drink the fortified chocolate milk drink.  I can't seem to face them yet have a whole carton still waiting to be used.     I've also learned to stop pretending I'm fine.  I'm not.  This is the hard part of the journey I guess and frustrating because you think it should be all over by now.  The Professor of Radiotherapy told me there's no exact time and date that the after effects will cease.  It's now about managing one kind of food intake until the appetite returns.  What if it never does?  Ha Ha!  I've just worked out that I am 2 months exactly post treatment so it might still resolve.     I have news on teeth!  First fitting 13th January and lots of appointments through to March.  Bad news - no teeth for Christmas!!  I will have to come up with a very soft and easy to eat Christmas food this year but also celebrate that I'm here for Christmas so I'm looking forward to it.  I absolutely love Christmas and my grandchildren do too.  It's a lovely time of year.  I hope you enjoy Christmas with your family too Phil and treasure your wife.  Such a lucky escape.     The company that bought our business paid everyone 3 days out of 10 days in their fortnightly pay run Tuesday just past.  Liquidators had only enough to pay that amount.  They then terminated most of their employees on the same day with no holiday pay or long service leave.  People were devastated.  Young families with mortgages and bills.  Out of work just before Christmas and unlikely to quickly find a new job before Christmas.  We were ok.  We will survive a 3 day pay and we weren't terminated.  Apparently we will get a full fortnight pay next fortnight.  If new company buys us we will move over to them in January and be paid all the way through as we have clients and work that has to be finished.  That's a blessing under the horrendous circumstances.     It's going to be a hard Christmas for many people.  All the bushfire victims will struggle as well.  We all need to count our blessings because in the scheme of life, we're all very lucky to be here today.     You'll be very happy to know Phil that I can now eat a cheese toastie if I break it up into tiny pieces.  Life can only get better. x     ... View more