Hi all, I've read some of these posts - there were many things that upset me besides temporary "loss of hair/identity", being "sick", and others "reactions". - time and financial loss it took me over year to recover. As I was on holidays and couldn't complete the trip. My husband is ok, but I felt bad for him too as it affected his plans too. - stigma attached to cancer and in turn, my husband, family and friends. There was no family history and I also had family worrying about themselves or their children having cancer (not to mention my own concerns now, that I may pass on to my children), even though the risk is very low. - young survivors "live longer" with scars and annual testing as reminders for life (while family and friends assume you are back to "normal"). - temporary or permanent loss of livelihood (depending on fertility, work/study career plans etc). ... View more

Hi Traveller, How are you? Well done on making it this far and getting through treatment. I've posted separately on the young BC section about friendship and survivorship. It would be lovely if your friends called or invited you to lunch or coffee etc wouldn't it - I mean how hard could that be? Treat you the same as before cancer (except that you may not be able to go out and party all day/night like you used to)- YET! What helped me (besides time) was work out what makes me happy, do the things I enjoy doing and be around people who understand cancer etc. In the process I made new friends and quality of life is much richer and meaningful. I managed to retain only a few friends (usually by email) from my life before cancer. ... View more

I have made new friends since having cancer. Friendship is a two way street. I have been going to the gym, support groups, joined online forums and started a new job. I look at what I have gained from this extreme period in my life. The friends I had in the past, stay in the past. They were part of my life which was hectic, stressful etc. My new life/future commenced when I was diagnosed, my family and a couple of friends from the past are still here with me which I am grateful that we have grown over time together and adjusted/readjusted to change - there are few people you can honestly do that with. It takes time to rebuild a new life and this change is constant as you regain your health/strength/identity etc. I'm coming up to 2 years and only feel now it is on track. I have always encouraged my husband to maintain his friendships (which was physically and mentally easier for him to do than me during treatment). I wouldn't want him to resent me for it later. He didn't have a huge social life before we met, so that didn't change much when I was ill. In fact, we spent more quality time together and he too notices how people at work, his family and friends are materialistic. You are probably seeing the world through different eyes with this experience. So it is you that has changed not your friends. ... View more

There is a saying, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family! I am the youngest and my father died when I was 22. I've always run around after everyone including my mum (opposite of what most people think about the youngest). The counsellor I saw during treatment, identified that I needed help with coping and to learn to say "no". She also advised its not the best idea to write people off or to make decisions on the "outer" ie. when you are sick or angry. Wait for a cooling off or neutral period and then make a decision/choice. We cannot control other's behavior, only our own. So I've lowered my expectation knowing that those nearest and dearest are trying to help in their "own" way. I think friends, family and cancer perception in the media is somewhat skewed. The focus is on funding and research and I understand it is very important. The reality is that people don't know what to say, how to act or what to do for someone going through treatment and after no matter how close. Unless you have been "through cancer", they can't understand. We are anomalies, we have faced death and survived. We are not in hospital. I have to say the level of care I received of excellent and I couldn't speak more highly of everyone on the treatment team. ... View more

Larn - no apologies needed! The best advice I can offer is to speak to a counsellor. It helped me immensely. Sounds as though you could do with some coping strategies. The same will apply to your husband. It is perfectly normal to feel isolated. A cancer diagnosis is an "extreme" and confronting event. One way to preserve and to continue the relationship is to try to "accept" the diagnosis. Also work out what you can control and what you can't (same for your husband). Remember to take things slow and a day at a time. You may find things that you enjoy doing together as a family and other times, create your own space. This is important as there are lots of changes/adjustments happening and still about to happen. It may help you or your husband to join a support group (try Hospital or ask oncologist) and to be with people who are going through a similar situation. ... View more

Belated Congratulations! Hope you and baby are doing well. ... View more

Hi Al, I hope you are feeling ok. Have you completely finished your treatment? Are there ongoing side effects? The reason I ask, is most employers want to know that you are fit to carry out your duties and any previous experience. Or the other way around, might ask you if there are any limitations - epilepsy, heart conditions etc? You don't have to state you have/had cancer, just be confident that you can do what is required just like anyone else applying for the job. I did the Living Well After Cancer Workshop (by NSW Cancer Council) and got some of tips offered to work out the new lifestyle/work balance. On this forum, the CC are looking at tailoring a workshop for younger adults. Last year, I started a new permanent part-time role as a legal/paralegal in-house for a utility company. It was within a month after completing adjuvant therapy. With a number 1 hair cut all round and only just started to have eyelashes back. I'm sure people thought it was strange my hair was so short especially during winter. I've had lots of experience and worked in top tier firms which helped. During both interviews, I said that I had been taking care of my ill mother (which was true) on my return from holidays - also true and which is why there was a gap the prev year experience. I got the job based on prev experience, good references and personality. I didn't say anything about my breast cancer until after my probation period 3-6 months. By this time people got to know me and my work. Now my hair has grown back, they still can't believe that I was diagnosed or they hadn't personally known anyone with cancer before. It really depends on the culture of the company and the relationship of the people you work with directly. The main thing is to have confidence in yourself and know what to look for. ... View more

Hi there, My understanding is as follows: "remission" the state of absence of disease activity in patients with a chronic illness, with the possibility of return of disease activity "survivor" as someone who is "living with or beyond cancer", someone who: * has completed initial cancer management and has no apparent evidence of active disease; * is living with progressive disease and may be receiving cancer treatment, but is not in the terminal phases of illness; or * has had cancer in the past "cancer free" 5-10 years of being disease free (depending on the type of cancer and disease). http://www.breastcancer.org/questions/cancer_free.jsp Some of these are from Wikipedia. Most of us YAC here seem to be in remission because they are still undergoing treatment or have a possibility of disease recurring. It helped me a lot to try & figure out where I am in the bigger picture. Keep in mind, sometimes cancer patients don't understand terminology because of information overload compounded with chemo brain! I hope this helps. ... View more

Amanda and Steve, May I ask who helped you (besides each other)? Any tips would you suggest for anyone else in a similar situation? Its great when those close offer to cook a meal, help with chores or the kids rather than expect you to fit in with them.... sound familiar? Sometimes its hard just to do simple things let alone anything extravagant like going out - or to go away. I struggle sometimes with my husband and we don't even have children! Credit to you both for getting through each of your treatments, stay strong and I look forward to hearing about baby number three 🙂 ... View more

Mags, My preference is for a survey. Some ideas about content for LWAC: - work and finance issues eg. finding new work, returning to work, dealing with colleagues, superannuation and income protection insurance, health insurance etc - children / familial cancer (fertility, IVF, community support, home care. carers etc) - lifestyle and image issues (diet, nutrition, exercise) My husband and I went to the Cancer Council - Living Well After Cancer workshop last year and it helped me get back on track as I was a bit lost after treatment (just wanted to run away onto a farm and not see or speak to anyone). It was like, what the hell just happend! The exercises in the workshop are excellent - ie. write down the top ten things you would like to be doing and assessing what you really do etc. Also to make sure you have 5 mins a day doing something that brings you joy and is just for you (its not a crime). The main issues that weren't covered were fertility and financial issues (I was the youngest in the room) the majority 45+. Young adults who are diagnosed often feel the cancer has robbed them at their peak of their career and health, when they have young children (who are dependent on them). Also, for those without children, realising the future consequences of having children and being unwell or not being around for their upbringing. This is a huge emotional distress which appears to be unrecognised by the rest of the general population even within the cancer community itself. ... View more