Excellent Sailor - no change in 18 months - keep sailing.. ... View more

Willow I felt for you being alone at such a fragile moment - I'm glad it's bursitis. As bigmumma said cancer is a lonely road even if you are surrounded by people who care for you. Today is Saturday - I think - I am on so many damn drugs for this and that sometimes I forget what day it is! Wednesday I got either - food poisoning, salmonella poisoning or gastro - my little contribution is being tested and I will find out next week. Another woman - a friend of a friend contracted salmonella poisoning from the same sushi bar as me two days earlier!!! Her doctor reported the incident - obviously it is in the too hard basket. Commonsense and my GP tell me that it is NOT cancer related - but I am having the exact same type of pain and unbearable cramps that I was having nearly 12 months ago - and yes- I do remember! Fear is such a powerful emotion and overrides every sane thought. I am in pain - I am on antibiotics - to be safe, I am on pain killers which make me drowsy and off balance - I have not felt this sick since my operation - it is not fair. I know I sound like a whinger and I am sorry but I feel like feeling sorry for myself as no one can understand the fear that accompanies every little unusual pain - bursitis for example - I and others on this site do understand - why can't those closest to us at least humour us - that would be better than "don't be so stupid of course it's not the cancer"! Bloody hell I'm getting sick and tired of living in constant fear - and my damn results are nothing to smile about either! Anyway look after yourselves and if anyone can come up with an idea how to laugh at fear - please let me know!!! ... View more

Thanks Julie Enjoy cat sitting - you can make it wonderful or terrible - it is your choice!!! AND as for you being boss - sorry, won't happen!! ... View more

Hi bigmumma, this has not happened to me - please please don't think I don't care that you are suffering emotionally- I do care. My story is a little different. The guy I have been seeing for 10 years was the love of my life when we were both 31- that fizzled out after a couple of years then I met up with him again 10 years ago when I had split from my partner of 10 years and had sworn that, after having been a possession for all those years - I was NEVER going to get involved in another relationship EVER - I was adamant!!. Then good old P came back into my life - he is lovely - but the reasons I left him all those years ago (about 22) are still here today!!. He is extremely kind and concerned and unfortunately still loves me after all this time - my feelings for him are the same as when I left him! I feel sorry that I cannot love him, but I just regard him as a dear friend - unbeknown to him. I don't think I am capable of ever falling in love again despite the fact that time is running out!!!. Hopefully you will find this amusing - when I was with idiot number 2 (husband was no.1)I had already been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I was having an attack of optic neuritis - couldn't focus or see properly and the nutcase said to me "don't look at me like that- I don't like it"!!! Episode number 2 with him - we visited his niece who had recently had a baby - (I was ok at this time)- his bloody mother didn't want me to hold the baby incase I gave it MS!!!!he agreed!! I hope you got a laugh out of those reminiscences and once again I am sorry your partner has left - typical - great timing!! Look after yourself and don't forget (yeah as if) you are going to be a GRANNY!!!!!! ... View more

Thankyou sailor, once again you provide a commonsense approach and enable me to put things into perspective. I did read parts of The Median Is Not The Message - my Dad was given 6-8 months,he died 6 years after diagnosis - so I understand what you are saying. I totally agree with you - I too want a good quality of life for however long I have and know my two feisty little redheaded darlings will remember their 'crazy' Aunt. To see them finish Primary school is a good start - then we will see what the future holds after that. Thankyou again. You sometimes quote Eric Bogle - is he a singer or am I confusing him with someone - great quotes. ... View more

Thanks Nicole - most of my friends have teenage and 20+ children and I get invited to their parties which is great BUT to attend the two most important parties, being realistic, thanks to advice given here,(by the wise water bird)! I think maybe I will keep it as a dream. But I will grasp your positive vibes and one never knows - as so many people have said to me - miracles do happen and the latest - nothing is incurable...... ... View more

Mrs Elton and your sons Please accept my sincere sympathy. You have been so strong throughout your husband's illness and have still had the time to help us through our difficult moments - I commend you for that. Please know that you are thought of very fondly here and I wish you strength for whatever lies ahead. Please keep in touch via this site as we would like to know how you are and to let you know you are with friends who care. ... View more

Chris - Hi I am thinking of you. Look at the situation this way - you have got your wish for your Dad to be with you. Now for the other concerns : as carolyn2 said when he does pass he will always be with you in spirit and the one and only thing that got me through Dad's last days was the fact he knew I loved him and I knew he loved me. Then I went down in a screaming heap. But I had to remember that he was no longer in pain and at that stage, as you will find, knowing the suffering of someone you love so deeply is over and they are finally at peace does bring some relief. Yes we who are left behind feel as though we can't go on without them - it is now our time to suffer(even though we have already been)but we still must remember that the person we loved so much, in this case our Fathers- are now FREE. The self destructive path I took after Dad died - I knew Dad would be suffering to see me like this - so I sought help. Admittedly it was not until 5 years later that I really started to accept the fact that he was gone and I was able to really get on with my life and do things - volunteer work with people suffering substance abuse, especially alcoholism. Through this I became who I thought my Dad would be proud of and I'm sure that whatever grief I had caused him in life and death was hopefully now rectified and he could finally rest in peace knowing that I too was experiencing a peace of sorts. Sorry Chris this was about you but as you probably know by now when I am passionate about something I just go on and on and on. But in all that I hope you found something to hang on to. Take care xxooxx ... View more

Oh dear (I would normally swear but we've only just met!!) I am so sorry about your scan results if it's any consolation that's what happened to me - almost exactly. I was feeling really good then the damn scans showed more spots on my lung and liver (both mets). I had been on chemo for 7 months so they took me off it for 6 weeks and I have another scan next week then back for results following week. Sometimes things are just not fair and we just have to try and look for things that make us happy - be happy about becoming a Grandmother that hopefully will take your mind off the bloody cancer. Sorry about your separation - great timing!! and you never know, this might be the best thing for your son - leaving school! Whatever happens and whatever you are feeling I hope you are coping. The wonderful people on this site have helped me time and time again, so if you need advice or just to vent this is the place to come. Take care byeeee ... View more