hi everyone im not sure how active these forums are but thought i’d pop in and say hi anyway. today i was told a lesion that was removed from my vulva had come back from pathology as being cancer. of course your mind goes into a blank spin when you hear that word and it’s being used about you. i’ve had the surgery to remove it which is good but i have to go for a CT scan tomorrow to see if it’s spread. of course i am shitting myself. i was really hoping i’d see the doctor today and was told this whole debacle was over, got the abnormality out with clear margins, see you in 6 months for a check up. i feel shocked and scared that this is potentially my life now. a blur of scary medical appointments, bad news, treatments that make you sick, people feeling sorry for you and looking at you like you’re dying. i’m 43 and have 2 young kids. i’m in disbelief and anger, sadness and distress. i’m trying to lean into it, embrace the uncertainty and discomfort and accept that i have no control. but it’s still shit. nobody wants this and i just feel like this is drastically unfair. how do you cope with this sort of news and still go about living your life day to day. the daily grind of cooking and cleaning and taking the kids to school, all meanwhile staring down your own mortality. it makes no sense.
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