Hi battler 45, my husband & my brother were the same when I was diagnosed. My husband he flew home took one look at me in the hospital bed and couldn’t wait to get away from me. The second he walked into my room I saw his face and i could see his heart brake. my brother broke down and sobbed. all the way through treatment my husband refused to acknowledge there was anything wrong, couldn’t look at me, wouldn’t talk about it. in the end I sent him back to work (he’s fifo) and luckily my brother and sister in law were there for me (more my sister in law- it took a while for my brother to come to terms with it) I spoke with my oncologist about it one day, he told me it was a common occurrence with partners, men especially, and it’s not that they don’t want to help it’s that if they acknowledge it’s happening it means they face losing us. Eventually my husband did come to a couple of radio therapy appointments, and he met my oncologist but even now my treatment has finished, he’s trying to blank out it happened. My brother only came to one appointment with me, I had to tread carefully he really struggled. my husband has a history of addiction and mental health issues himself so I appreciate that he did try in the end but our relationship has changed now. Before I would pull out all the stop for him…. Now he gets told regularly to go forth and multiply with himself, and when he asked me why I changed I told him the truth, he let me down when I needed him. His answer was that he didn’t want to live without me. he has accepted that I was disappointed, and has been trying to make it up to me any way he can (not that I think it can be made right) but I realised he could have just walked away, when I sent him back to work he worked as many hours as he could and fed money to my brother to look after me, my dogs and my son. He called every day, and he did try to engage with my treatment, and as much as he wasn’t there for me emotionally, maybe that was all he could give. so you aren’t alone, it happens quite often.
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