March 2012
7 Kudos
Thank you all for your advice. I really appreciate it. Today I feel somewhat better I guess after a good night’s sleep. Although the communication with my husband in my home all day has been nonexistent. I have basically been walking around on eggshells and just trying to stay out of his way. Just giving him some space and letting him do things for himself. I think part of his anger is he doesn’t want to feel helpless. He has always been a take charge kind of fella. I heard him moving about in the kitchen. He was cooking and preparing his own food and even watching a little TV in between napping. I don’t want to cause him any stress or anxiety so I’ve just retreated to my little space in the house.
At this point anything and everything I say or do will result in him either being sarcastic or insulting. I have tried to sit down and talk with him in the past, but it doesn’t work. He needs someone to make the scapegoat and I guess I’m it. Although I’m only human and my feeling are often hurt to the point that I feel kind of traumatized by the whole ordeal. I don’t want to become angry or resentful at his behavior. It’s hard not to though. The last thing I want is for us to start victimizing each other and forget about the love we share. We live in a rural area in a small town and there really isn’t any support group or network here. Even if there was, my husband probably wouldn’t go. I would be more than happy to attend. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this and I dare not bring up the subject with his family. Even though I’m the wife, I’m kind of like an outsider to them because he’s their brother, their son, their father, their uncle, if you know what I mean. In their eyes, I’m just the woman he married. They don’t want to hear anything negative about their blood relative. Besides, they live in other states and I think they look for me to be the primary caregiver which is understandable since I am the wife.
My husband’s on disability and I work from home. I used to work outside the home, but I felt guilty because I wasn’t there for him all the time. So now I have a home base business. Next week he is scheduled to go to the other hospital and discuss chemotherapy treatment, but I’m not sure if he’s going to go or not. He keeps changing his mind about which type of treatment he wants and who he wants to treat him. Our options are slim as far as health care goes.
Heck, we have no insurance, but he is a military veteran so he is covered by the VA hospital. The only problem is the VA hospital is about 250 miles away from us and they don’t accommodate lodging for me when he needs to do a overnight. The VA did pay for him to have his radiation treatment at our town’s local hospital, but then my husband cursed out the doctors and now he doesn’t want go back there so he might go back to the VA. He was initially going to the VA for all his treatments, and then he cursed out the VA doctors and asked for a transfer of his case to our local hospital which they did. If I say anything about this flip flopping between these two hospitals, then I get yelled at and cursed out so I have learned to keep my mouth shut and let him call the shots. Deep down I know he’s scared. Hell, I’m scared. I am so afraid of the radiation and the chemotherapy and I think my husband is too. That’s why he keeps cursing out the doctors and finding a reason not the even have the treatment.
The only problem is if not treated at all his pain seems to get worse. After ten treatments of the radiation, his back pain eased up, but lately it has returned. Anyway, that’s my story and every day I pray for strength to get me through these tough times and more importantly I pray for my husband and all cancer patients.
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March 2012
Wow, my husband is behaving the same way. I just posted a blog about it. I feel so emotionally abused right now and kind of traumatized by his reaction. I understand that a cancer patient is sick and maybe terminal, but why do some react so cruel to their loved ones? It hurts me to have him reject me when all I'm trying to do is help him. I feel so helpless and I don't know what to do. Then I feel guilty for even complaining about the abuse because I should just take the abuse since it comes with the territory of being cancer patient.
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March 2012
19 Kudos
Today was not a good day for me and to be quite truthful, I feel emotionally beat up. My husband who has been diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer has become angry and bitter to the point that he seems to be taking it out on me. This is why I sought out a support group for families and friends of loved ones. It seems that nothing I do is good enough right now in his eyes. Today which happens to be my birthday ended on such a sour note, that all I want to do right now is cry. The day started off with me trying to be upbeat and trying to keep his spirits up. I cooked a special dinner for us and he complained about the food. Everything I cook lately is not good enough. Everything I do isn’t good enough. I try to talk about faith and God, he says, THE IS NO CURE FOR CANCER! He seems to have lost his desire to live and doesn’t want me to express any type of hope or joy. I feel emotionally abused and I don’t know how to help him. He was getting hormonal treatment then started radiation, but said that was making him sick. He stopped the treatment midway because he said the hospital was just trying make money off of him and he cursed out the doctors. Another hospital wants him to start chemotherapy, but he doesn’t like them because he says they are young and don’t know what they are talking about. He doesn’t like me to tell him that he should stop smoking and he doesn’t want me to give him advice on eating healthy. I feel like he just wants to push me away. I feel like he is angry and mad at life or God perhaps and is taking it out on me because I am the closest person to him. So my question is how do you deal with the love one’s anger and is this typical of a cancer patient become bitter and angry to the point that they starting hurting the people who care and love them?
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March 2012
Today was not a good day for me and to be quite truthful, I feel emotionally beat up. My husband who has been diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer has become angry and bitter to the point that he seems to be taking it out on me. This is why I sought out a support group for families and friends of loved ones. It seems that nothing I do is good enough right now in his eyes. Today which happens to be my birthday ended on such a sour note, that all I want to do right now is cry. The day started off with me trying to be upbeat and trying to keep his spirits up. I cooked a special dinner for us and he complained about the food. Everything I cook lately is not good enough. Everything I do isn’t good enough. I try to talk about faith and God, he says, THE IS NO CURE FOR CANCER! He seems to have lost his desire to live and doesn’t want me to express any type of hope or joy. I feel emotionally abused and I don’t know how to help him. He was getting hormonal treatment then started radiation, but said that was making him sick. He stopped the treatment midway because he said the hospital was just trying make money off of him and he cursed out the doctors. Another hospital wants him to start chemotherapy, but he doesn’t like them because he says they are young and don’t know what they are talking about. He doesn’t like me to tell him that he should stop smoking and he doesn’t want me to give him advice on eating healthy. I feel like he just wants to push me away. I feel like he is angry and mad at life or God perhaps and is taking it out on me because I am the closest person to him. So my question is how do you deal with the love one’s anger and is this typical of a cancer patient become bitter and angry to the point that they starting hurting the people who care and love them?
... View more
March 2012
Today was not a good day for me and to be quite truthful, I feel emotionally beat up. My husband who has been diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer has become angry and bitter to the point that he seems to be taking it out on me. This is why I sought out a support group for families and friends of loved ones. It seems that nothing I do is good enough right now in his eyes. Today which happens to be my birthday ended on such a sour note, that all I want to do right now is cry. The day started off with me trying to be upbeat and trying to keep his spirits up. I cooked a special dinner for us and he complained about the food. Everything I cook lately is not good enough. Everything I do isn’t good enough. I try to talk about faith and God, he says, THE IS NO CURE FOR CANCER! He seems to have lost his desire to live and doesn’t want me to express any type of hope or joy. I feel emotionally abused and I don’t know how to help him. He was getting hormonal treatment then started radiation, but said that was making him sick. He stopped the treatment midway because he said the hospital was just trying make money off of him and he cursed out the doctors. Another hospital wants him to start chemotherapy, but he doesn’t like them because he says they are young and don’t know what they are talking about. He doesn’t like me to tell him that he should stop smoking and he doesn’t want me to give him advice on eating healthy. I feel like he just wants to push me away. I feel like he is angry and mad at life or God perhaps and is taking it out on me because I am the closest person to him. So my question is how do you deal with the love one’s anger and is this typical of a cancer patient become bitter and angry to the point that they starting hurting the people who care and love them?
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