My husband has just yesterday passed on from general skin cancer that he fought valliantly for many many years. Since March this year when we received the terminal diagnosis and throughout his palliative radiotherapy he became very withdrawn, angry; pushing me away and raged against all that I was offering. As with other repliers I sought counselling to adjust my behaviours as what I was doing only seemed to cause more angst and grief. He also on my 50th in July and on our 27th wedding anniverary this month continued to push me away with anger - all I believe to be directed towards making his final steps of less impact - as if they ever would.
It is so very very lonely to lose the love of your life and to know they lose all of us - they do not give up the fight, valliantly challenging the beast with all that they have - just sometimes the arrows are relentless regardless of their commitment.
My belief is that they remain with us and there for us when needed. It's just that I am so very selfish and sorely miss his physical presence that I am raging against totally accepting his new journey.
I pray that your journey is supported by loved ones and that the days and time spent are positive and purposeful.
Yesterday I was told hearing is the final sense to go... Craig's IPod had been blaring out his music choices non-stopfor 5 days both at home and during his final 3 days in palliative care and during his last hours, every song of the 600+ that are recorded were ones that he either loved, held close and sang along to....something to hold on to - keep talking, TAPPS: tolerance, acceptance, patience, persistence and self-control....not easy but so very very true. You are in my prayers.
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