I have been feeling the same as you and thought I was alone. My husband of 44 years has malignant metastatic melanoma with no identified primary site. Many times he is short with me but I realize it is just the pain. He survived Prostrate cancer, Renal Cell carcinoma and bladder cancer 7 years ago. All seperate all within a 9 month period. Prognosis this time is not good. I can't bring myself to leave him. I wait for someone to visit so I can go to the store. I wake up several times in the nite to check and see if he is breathing. I can't bear seeing him fade away. How I keep up the front for everyone I don't know but I always smile and stay cheerful around him. This is one gift I can still give him. I will pray for you both.
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