to hell and back and still on the way to hell. the last 3 months have been nothing but.  mick went in for a bowel resection and stayed a month in hospital ans came out worst that we are now going by weeks on how long he has got. i am so fully of emotions that i dont no which way to turn.  they said 2-5 years i will lose him in less than a year and i am so lost. the grief has just hit me in the last week when i realised that he will never be coming home.  he is now in pallative care at the local hospital. we have been robbed of our time and my daughter has as well. just the thought is  breaking my heart i am missing him already and he hasnt even gone yet. the things that we take for granted the things he did now i have to do and sort out things on my own and not together and now i second guess myself that i am doing the right thing..  i need help in suggestions on how to deal with my daughter and the furneral . he is having a direct burial no service due to the politics of his family and they will cause nothing but heartache for us. some say take he too the grave site and throw rose petals in to the ground and then leave so she doesnt see the rest and then others say dont take her at all.  i am going to be damned if i so and damned if i dont. she keeps asking me why she isnt going to have a daddy anymore. how do i tell a four year old this.  and all i can think of is her and what is happenign to her and i am so lost.  i have no faith in doctors anymore they treated Mick so bad that they saw himas a text book not a person and they really need to have a good look at themselves as they do more damage than goos in some cases.  i miss him so much and pallative care said it is only going to get worse.  i am 38 and going to lose my best mate i have ever had.  but i try too keep reminding my self for our daughter must keep srong for her.. well thats enough i am finishing now.  thanks for ready this i go some things off my chest ... View more

does anyone else have trouble sleeping at night i just cant get my mind to switch off and i dont want to take anything as my young daughter needs me. i will go for days with little sleep and this is not including traveling an hour a day to see my husband in hospital where he has been for four weeks, due to complications with a bowel resection and now his stomach and bowel are not working and he has a peg tube and stomach drainage in his stomach. has anyone had this problem or has peg fed or drainage tube any ideas and what i am in for when he comes home would be really helpful and ways when you go out how you all deal with it ... View more

my husband was diagnosed with secondary terminal cancer june this year, it is in his bowel, liver, some nodes with the prognossis of maybe 2-5 if the chemo hold it at bay.  his attiude is so negative and his verbal aggression towards me is getting worse and worse. i had to stop work beacuse i couldnt cope and now he sees me as his carer and that i should be doing everything a carer should be doing.  he just doesnt stop, he has shut everyone out and now doesnt like anyone close to him as they are interferring with his life this includes the neighbours, people i work with, doctors and nurses everyone and it seems not to be getting better.  he is in hospital for a bowel obstruction which they operationed on wednesday. he sits there and stews alday and then wont say anything untill i turn up and then bang i get it. i am at my wits end and to make it worse we have a four year old daughter who i am trying to keep her routine to normal but then i get the response that i am not doing the caring job that i am his wife. he wont talk to a social worker he thinks that everything is fine it is everyone else. i tried to speak to his oncologist and that got me no where because all they say is that he needs to say there is a problem.  he is only 46 and i 38. i just dont know what to do. no one in the area i live no what i am going through and living in a small town doesnt help.  he just says that no one needs to no our business.  i feel as though he wants to isolate us and i just cant do it. eveyone is at fault. he would be alright if he wasnt so angry. he cant see that i amd grieving too.  he thinks we can do it on our own. i no we cant . i have no idea what to do. it has just go too hard in such a short time ... View more