Cancer Sucks, Thank you for your reply to my letter. And thank you for pointing out the number of years spent away from parents' home. My son has of course spent more years with his own family than he has at our home as a child. After reading your letter, it has become very clear to me that he has his family in mind when he did what he did. I realise that now and I am very grateful that you pointed that out to me. I was feeling very guilty that he did not ask me to look after him. I thought that I had let him down in some way and that he did not want me there. I quite understand that now and I will give them as much time as necessary. Thanks again. Elvibee.
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Dear Tropical, Thank you for sharing your story with me and for all the advice you have given me. I am so sorry for your loss. Your comments were very helpful because you see things from the opposite side of the coin, which is exactly what I needed to hear. I have always maintained the belief that a mother never stops being a mother, but hearing your side of the story it has made me realise that we bring our children up to be independent. He also has his own family to think of. I stay in touch with them by phone and text messages regularly as we live East and he lives West of the continent. I have tried to be busy here with friends to stop thinking about my son and I am blessed with a great group of friends and family who support me. My son will not take chemo or radiation. He has his good days and bad days. Again, thanks very much for your reply.
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When I was informed of my son's illness, I rushed to his side and wanted to look after him and care for him. I was very upset when he turned around and complained that I could not just barge in and take over. He is 40, married with 4 children. Of course I melted in the background instantly and looked after the children instead. Now he has asked me to go back home with my husband as he wants to spend some time with his wife and kids alone.
He called me today to say that he is in hospital with fluid in his lungs and there maybe other complications in his lungs even after they drained 3.5 ltrs of fluid from the surrounding area. I am not sleeping very much especially when I know that he is unwell. He and his family have now moved in to his in law's place. I wanted so much to be part of the caring team, not so much for him but caring for the children who are all at school - 2 in primary and one in high school and the oldest in an apprenticeship.
I hope and pray that I will be asked to go back to look after him some times in the future. I am not sure if it is too late for him to undergo chemotherapy, but if he does, I hope that he will ask me to go and help look after him. It has been one week since we parted company. How long should I hold on for? Will I be considered an interfering mother if I just turn up on their doorstep? I am sick with worry and my biggest worry is that he will die alone. What should I do?
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.