About anneidril

anneidril

Exactly @Markcoz - I would have asked Mum the questions, to double check things or just get her advice. I have heard from a few friends that I have helped them with their path through life, over the rocky bits, so maybe that's the best way I can remember Mum. She did that for us, now I am just helping get that out in a wider universe. Thank you so much for helping me find some clarity Mark, I do appreciate it. I hope you are going okay, do take care of yourself during this strange time in the world! Anne.

anneidril

Hi @Markcoz, Thank you for reaching out to me. I know words don't convey the depth of it, but I am so sorry that you had to say goodbye to both your parents when you were younger. I am grateful that you (and others) have found a way to keep going and show me that it is possible, even when it feels too big. 1. The 2 biggest struggles... The 1st is probably suddenly becoming the person that needs to have answers for family members with things in life - like what needs to be done with redtape and the house or just making sure everyone is relatively ok. The second struggle is just generally being without Mum's love and guidance. I have a chronic condition and so she was my strength and support throughout my life. it's hard to have bad pain days without her here to hug me. 2. What would I wish for more than anything else... Apart from the obvious one of her still being with us, or me being with her (or even in her place) I guess I would wish that I had learned more from her. I've taken up cross stitch like she used to do, but I wish I had the patience to knit like she did. I actually just turned 30 a week or so ago, so the milestone was a hard one. But I am trying my hardest to keep going with the happiness and fun she instilled in my life. Thank you so so much for reaching out Mark. I really wish you well on this journey too. It's the hardest thing, but it helps when people reach out to check on each other as we go through it. ♥

anneidril

Thank you so much Dave, I really appreciate your kindness in reaching out to me. I am so sorry you had to say goodbye to your Mum at such a very young age and then deal with your own journey with a similar cancer. I wish you all the good luck and health on your journey. ♥♥♥

anneidril

Dear Nicola, Thank you for responding ♥ I am so, so sorry about your Dad. We haven't had to get through the 1st year anniversary yet, but just this past week I had to celebrate my 30th and my Dad his 60th without her. It wasn't easy but we tried our best to make it happy. My Nanny (who has lost 3 daughters, a stepson and her husband) tells me that she still misses her Mum, and that we have to find the happier moments to dwell on. It's easy to stay in our sad, but looking for the good is better. I am continuing to have up and down moments. You're right, it feels like waves crashing over us and then retreating for a little bit before coming back in. I am so, so sorry that you have such questions to live with. I am hoping he would have felt relatively okay, to slip away. I think that's what Mum was like. However I was told to get my wisdom teeth out, that Mum would be fine that day, and when I got home from the dentist we got the call that Mum had passed away. I still sometimes beat myself up over that. I think all of us have something we wish were different xxx I actually write a letter to Mum each night, just to get it all out, and you are so right - because we loved them so much of course we feel this grief. But that love was worth all this pain. We were so blessed to have them with us for the time that we had. Of course we wanted more time, but it would never have been long enough when you love someone. Thank you for your kindness and empathy. It truly means so much to read your reply and helps, as you are further along the journey than I am. Sending you so many virtual hugs. ♥♥♥

anneidril

Hi @Melisa0612 - I'm sorry my reply is tardy. My beautiful Mum passed away in August and I struggled to handle anything dealing with cancer. I'm afraid I wouldn't have been much use, as all I knew was what I outlined we tried for my own Mum - they tried that gemcitabine on her and another chemotherapy when that failed. I can't recall what it was but it was also unsuccessful. If your Mum had been eligible for immunotherapy it may have helped but I don't know if they tried that for her? There are certain markers needed for that from what I understand. My Mum didnt have them so it wasn't an option for her. Sending you so many hugs, I am so sorry to hear about your Mum's struggles with cancer xxxx

anneidril

Sending so many hugs to you @Deemac I know it doesn't help to say it, but I am so sorry you have had to say goodbye to your Mum xxx Cancer is a truly terrible beast and I hate it. Your Mum and Dad sound like mine, she believed in an afterlife but he doesn't really. I do, it's one of the few things really helping me get through these hard times. And I'm glad visiting a medium helped a little even though longterm I know we just wish for our Mums. I've actually taken up cross stitch to do like she did, it helps me feel a little closer to her in a way. But you're right, we still miss having them with us in person. Sending you all the hugs xxxxx

anneidril

Thank you @christielynnblo xxxx It is still incredibly hard without her here. I'm trying to hold onto the good, but it's hard.💜💜💜

anneidril

Hi Tania, I am so, so sorry to hear about your Dad. I wish I could wave a magic wand and we would never have had to deal with cancer and say goodbye to our loved ones. It's painful and gut-wrenching. I wish I could give you a hug in person. Thank you for saying that about Mum, and for being so beautifully kind at a time when I know it's hard to even look after your own wellbeing with grief. I appreciate your empathy and compassion so very much. It sounds awful, but it does help to know others are also dealing with this and finding their way. Sending such a big hug your way 💜💜💜💜

anneidril

Thank you so very much @Katekat, I appreciate the hugs and the suggestion. I had read through the cancer council grief booklet and it seems like I'm doing everything possible to wade through the sadness, but I had hoped someone might have more answers or suggestions. I'm not sure if I'm strong enough for talking out loud to others about the grief, but it certainly can't hurt to try on Monday. Thank you💛

anneidril

Hi everyone, I am sending you all the biggest hugs as we deal with the awfulness that is cancer and what it does to our loved ones. 31 December my beautiful Mum was diagnosed with advanced gallbladder cancer. We tried all the treatments she could undergo, but nothing stopped the cancer. I became her primary carer, which was 100% alright by me, as Mum and I spent every day together, 24/7 anyway. To cut a long and awful story short, on 9 August Mum passed away in hospital. And I wish my heart had stopped then too. Mum had planned her funeral, including music. She hated that people would cry. So two of her songs were from the Muppets - Rainbow Connection and Mahna Mahna. She couldn't stand the thought of tears. She told me, often, that I couldn't stay in my grief when this happened. She didn't want that. But I am struggling, so very much these days. I've done all the redtape stuff because it was beyond my poor Dad, I've been doing nearly everything Mum did around the household, even as I am trying to get back into my uni studies to finish my PhD in her honour. But I'm struggling with grief, even though I've talked to people at Headspace, I have beautiful people supporting me... I have the support and the love, but it's not Mum. And it can't be Mum. I guess I just wonder if anyone has advice on how to live with this awful feeling? I have smiled, I have laughed at times since Mum's passing, but the grief never goes away. And sometimes it sucker punches me with a piece of glass to my heart. I'm just finding it hard, and if you have any advice at all I would be so grateful. I love my family that I have around me, but Mum was my world. And it's hard to keep trying when you just wish you had either died too or died in her place. Big hugs, Anne.♥

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