Wow Narelle1,   You certainly have a lot to deal with.   Firstly, you've done what you can,  to the best of your ability.  There's nothing wrong with that, but now your family is starting to pay the price this horrible cancer is exacting.  Think about what is MOST important to you, then do what needs to be done.  Your husband needs to say something to your father.  Tell him to stop holding his tongue.   At the end of the day, I assume you would want your husband & children to be happy.  If that means putting your mother into care, then that may have to be the way to go.  Yes, it may mean your mother & father won't be happy with what you decide, but if everyone's health is suffering instead of just your mother's, then surely, that would be the right thing to do.   Budgie       ... View more