Hi Malcolm    I only recently received confirmation that chemo is needed, a few days ago. It's getting more real every day, but I am still recently out of surgery, so still about 5 weeks away.   Yet to meet my oncologist. A lot of grey area around the whole thing so far.  I will keep following you to see how you go. I'm keen to hear more about your highs and lows. Hopefully to fill in more of my blanks.   All the best...   Phil ... View more

Hi Frankie   I'm not experienced yet. My chemo is still to come. I am told I won't need such a strong treatment and may not lose my hair.   I'm not sure what to expect. I'm treating all the advice I get as a good guideline, weighing towards the positive. I'm not worried if I lose my hair. I was told it will grow back, but thinker and fluffier. I'll be happy if it grows back with less grey.   I think it's fine to avoid the wig. If you are confident to do it, then go for it.    All the best... ... View more

On a lighter note, my daughter's family come to see me today. My granddaughter was keen to see my guitars. I started playing a tune for her.    As I stated singing "How I wish, how I wish you were here", she ran over and gave me a big hug over top of my guitar as I played. It was very endearing.   Then she got to sit on Poppy's bike.     ... View more

I guess I am still coming to grips with being a cancer patient. I'm certainly not feeling like I'm dying and nor am I ready to go down that road. I have accepted the fight and I'm on the fighters road.   With that said, the thoughts of sadness and depression lately is about my quality of life in the next couple of years. Recovering from surgery is a tough gig. Learning to live with a stoma is a tough gig. I know chemo will be a tough gig. Living with the impact on those close to you is a tough gig; perhaps the toughest.   When I feel the need to apologise for having cancer, it all seems terribly wrong. Some people want to be supportive and help. Other's don't get a choice. They don't have cancer but their lives are heavily impacted by it. I feel the need to apologise. I feel as though I need to have strength to help them through it.   I've been told that I need to let go and just let others help me, as it's only for a little while. I get it, but it's hard. Who what's to be a charity case? Who doesn't want to be there to support their loved ones?   Do I have to let it go? Is there a line somewhere in the middle? My loved ones are one of the main reason for fighting.   ... View more

    This is my husky, Bonnie. She is a butt head and a chatter box, but so affectionate and beautiful. I can't go near her at the moment because of my recent surgery. Like I said. She is a butt head.   Dogs are so therapeutic . ... View more

So... above is all the catch up stuff. Sorry if you find it repeated elsewhere.   Anyhow, the blog is about my journey and I'll just keep adding comments to the blog.   So far, it has been a rollercoaster ride. I don't think it will change much from that perspective.   I tried to lose weight before this whole things started. Now I don't want to lose it but, not easy to keep it on. I managed lose 3kg pretty quickly, just preparing for my colonoscopy. I starting carb loading after that before I went in for surgery. I've seen how hard it can be to regain weight after cancer treatment .   I was 93kg at the start and made it back to 92kg prior to preparing for bowel surgery. Yesterday, I weighed in at 86.5kg. It was only one week after surgery. Still a little above my optimal healthy weight, so not too scared yet.   I am still moving slowly after the surgery and my appetite hasn't returned. I think my stomach has shrunk so probably a good thing, because now I have to manage stoma output and I'm still adjusting to that.   In any case, chemo is coming soon and I suspect I will be losing plenty more weight yet. I've been reading up about exercising during treatment. I hope I can remain active and a healthy weight. I guess that is part of the fight. My mental prepation will be focussing on self-discipline to stay optimistic and motivated; but also to maintain a routine eating pattern ensuring I get the nutrition and energy to achieve adequate exercise . ... View more

So I found out yesterday arvo that the cancer was in a single solitary piss-ant little lymph node. So it's off to chemo for me. So now I have an appointment with an oncologist later this month. Chemo will start around 6 weeks post surgery.    I'm not sure exactly when I started thinking this fight would be a cake walk. The news zapped a lot of strength. I've started getting angry at people checking up on me to see how I am. I guess I'm angry.   ... View more

Brief intro, another extension   My next step is recover from surgery, while waiting for pathology to come back. I will see my surgeon in 4 weeks, but if chemo is needed, I don't know when it is supposed to start. Still a little fuzzy in that area.   Also, in the meantime, is learning how to manage an ostomy bag at home, then at work. It's a crappy situation, but poo jokes are on the rise in my family. Despite being a little pun-gent.     ... View more

My brief intro extension:   Release from hospital today. Still going through a lot and suffering pain. But that is all surgical related. Apart from having a stoma and bag hanging off the front of me, my suffering hasn't been the result of cancer. It was silently killing me in the background , mostly unnoticed.  I may have experienced all this trauma if I was having my appendix out. So it's kind of like it doesn't count. Like I shouldn't complain. I had cancer, it was cut out and now it's just surgery pain to worry about.   I am still experiencing that voice telling me, don't be soft, harden up, just ignore it. I think it's called Man Disease. I thought Dr Corbett beat that to death with my diagnosis, but obviously not. I think I'm going to be fighting with myself a lot. Being cancer free doesn't mean I'm no longer a cancer patient. I still have a stoma. I still have an upcoming surgery. I still have a major change in lifestyle ahead. I may still need chemo. I may still have early signs of cancer in my lungs. Let's not mention the emotional burden so far and yet to come.   Cancer free, not cancer patient free. It's not hard to reconcile. Cancer patient for life, however long or short it may be. I guess the goal is to reach the highest point where quantity and quality meet; and try to not get hit by the bus before then.   On a lighter note... do you like my profile picture? This is Sally, my nine year old cavalier king Charles. She is Daddy's princess and she has been missing me like crazy. Looking forward to going home for cuddles.   I'm a dog person. Post me photos of your four legged friends.   Au revoir ... View more

My brief intro: Who is PhilPepper? I am Phil. Pepper is my stoma. I tried to avoid naming it, but it just had to happen.   So after an unexpected diagnosis, a few scans, a few blood tests, and finally a surgical consult, I checked in for my lower bowel resection. That was Thursday and now it's 1:30 am following Tuesday.    As my title suggest, I could be cancer free since the nice doctor cut it out. However, I guess I have the DNA to always be at risk, and it may have been so advanced that surgery is only the first step in my treatment. The reality is, I am a cancer patient for life and I just had surgery to buy me some time. This doesn't seem to be such a difficult scenario but I am struggling. I can't tell you how much I  just want it gone.   I am hoping for the best. In 12 weeks they will reverse my ileostomy and life will return to almost normal. Followed up by regular and thorough checks.   There are people I want to be here for.     ... View more