I'm sorry for your loss. I can tell you I know exactly how you felt. I didn't want anyone hugging me because I was afraid I would break down. I shed enough tears when o was alone but I had to remain strong. I wanted to run when someone would approach me. I could not lose it until I was ready. It is also one of the things we are able to control since we couldn't control the cancer. Please don't let it haunt you anymore, cancer has robbed us enough. You felt what you felt and you are allowed to feel what you want or need to feel. After losing my parents I felt like an orphan even though I'm an adult, this is also normal. Grief lasts a lifetime because grief is a testament of the love we feel.
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