Hi Cath1,  I truly believe everyone feels bad for the patient bc honestly they have cancer.  They are fighting for their lives.  We should feel bad.  But when you see them be nice to other people and everyone says oh they are so nice.  I just want to say nice they are mean, belittling and psychotic.  You try living with the SOB’S!  You can have him... it’s so hard bc even when I’m not with him and at my moms taking care of her also...I cry...why bc I can’t get away from the meanness from him. He thinks he’s the greatest husband on earth...if he could only read my mind, he the turtle 🐢 in the race.  I stay bc I love him and he is wearing me thin.  I’m also not a forgiver, or a forgeter...I play every word in my head like a constant record.  It hurts my heart hurts.  My head hurts.  Honestly what kills me more is that I truly wonder if I ever knew this man I’ve been married to at all.  Does he love me, has he ever truly loved me?  What a thing to have in your head.  The heartache of my kids calling me names, bc of him.  When I’m washing their clothes folding them and putting them in their rooms. Vacuuming their rooms and doing anything they ask of me.  He has put this wedge between me and my daughter the most. Which kills me.  My boys are nicer.  My middle one will stick up for him and my youngest is still sweet to his mom...but then the other kids will attack him and he will say mom, please don’t fight with dad he has cancer.  I told his mother how mean he was, she said oh I don’t believe it, not in front of the kids.  So now I’m a liar.  Except my husband lost his sister to cancer and she was extremely mean to my mother inlaw and my sister in-law.  But I’m 🤥 lying.   I told her you don’t believe me, are you kidding me.  I said oh ok, well I’m letting you know if he keeps talking to me this way, he won’t have to worry about Cancer taking him, bc I’m gonna strangle him...lol..I honestly want to run myself. As far away from possible.  I think every caretaker wants to.  You don’t know what you signed your sorry butts to, until it’s right in your face.  I would take childbirth a 100 times over naturally!!! Just for the record I only HAVE 3...😉...but I don’t want to live with regrets that I walked away from the man I love.  So now I look at him this way.  I can say I love my truck...but I really don’t!  You know why? Bc you can’t love something that can’t love you back.  It’s a material thing!!!.  So I’m starting to think that even tho I love him, he is my truck, except he has the ability to put me first, speak nicely to me and make me feel like his wife and love.  But instead he acts cold like my truck.  No feelings...which is why I’m asking myself, did I ever know him?   What a thing to leave in my head.  But if I wasn’t at the hospital or take to long at the grocery store, he wants me there.  Or I’m aweful leaving for so long...but he can have his secret phone calls, texts and scumbags.  Like a secret..I’m a grown woman I don’t have time for games.  He calls his mother and sister when I’m not around, probably bc they are on my naughty list.  He was hospitalized 4 times 28 days since last June.  They came to see him 4 maybe 5 times...his mother lived in my three family for half the rent.  So ya I am mad, but he calls them and is all nice to them.  It kills me Cath1...i am not one to ask for help, bc I like things a certain way.  If I see your folding something a different way then I do it, I’ll have a damn anxiety attack...then I’m running for my klonopin...lol...how old are you and your husband?  Where do you live? I live in the Boston area.  I really hope to talk to you again real soon...you seem real, and me OUCH!!!! I just pinched myself I am very real tooooo...haha I can tell bc I felt the pinch...❤️ Big hugs!   your NEW VENTING FRIEND Traci-Rene’e ... View more

Patches,  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this very emotional and difficult time.  Please know we are all thinking of you both and your families.  There are no words for what you are all going thru.  I pray for comfort and love for you all.  ❤️ ... View more

Hi Cath1, First thing I am going to do is send you a Great Big Hug!  Your feelings are not selfish.  I have been thru this and so many other things with my husband and I’m surprised I didn’t.  I also have kids.  My husband was diagnosed in June 2019 with appendix stage 4 cancer.  He was nice to me then.  Then he came home from the hospital and they put him on steroids and  lorazepam.  Everything I did was wrong.  Everything I said was wrong.  I was told I wasn’t needed or wanted.  He wouldn’t call me from work when he had strength to go in, which killed me to know he was all right and thinking of me too!  But he would talk to all his scumbag friends some who aren’t scumbags.  And we’d argue about this and he would tell me they care about him.  Like I don’t!  That killed me, so deep inside.  The kids turned against me, saying it doesn’t matter what he called me suck it up...or why don’t I just move out, my oldest actually said daddy would rather me here than you.  all I did was cry and cry behind closed doors or at my moms.  Wishing God would just take me, bc obviously I wouldn’t be missed.  I felt alone, invisible surely mentally abused.  I felt worthless.  Yet I never left his side, still haven’t.  So I totally know how you feel.  Then one day we went to the chemo appointment, and a nurse saw how he gave me a dirty look and I just put my head down.  The nurse watched me walk to the bathroom and surprise surprise, she said does he always talk to you like that with that aweful eye look.  I started crying.   I replied no, it’s getting worse since his diagnosis.    The psychiatrist from cancer hospital called him, bc the nurse told them what she witnessed.  I woke up and his first response was who did I talk to at the hospital...I said no one.  Then he told me the psychiatrist called him and left a voice mail.  She called him three more times but he doesn’t believe in Couseling.  So we went in for his appointment and the first thing they did was take one steroid pill away.  Wow what a difference with just one pill.  Then after a two weeks took the rest of the steroid away.  Omg a new man.  At least less aggressive, that I could live with.  Still today, I fluctuate with feelings.  Like we went in for blood work March 31st. During Corvid and his nurse 1/2 the time of his Chemo greeted us at door.  I had to stay at door so we chatted.  Well my husband came out, and gave her the nicest Thank you, and since we are honest here.  I was so upset.   He has never been so nice to me.  He is so kind to everyone but me.  I wrote him a letter, like 1 week ago, bc I have been barely talking to him. Well I talk but only about him or what needs to be talked about.  My letter said you care so much for me, yet it’s been two weeks and you still haven’t asked me what’s wrong, I guess I’m just not that important.  Today is one week and he still hasn’t asked me.  I know I deserve so much better especially from a husband of 22 years and three kids.  I hate that I’m still here and he makes me feel worthless, useless, and ugly... yet then he needs me.  I would check if your husband is on steroids, tell the nurses behind his back, about his behavior.  My husband still had the steroid with chemo, they have to...but he wouldn’t get the ones at home bc we did a three day chemo.  My husband has his days of when I matter and when I don’t.  Still has his secret phone calls when I’m not around.  With obvious scumbags, that I don’t like.  I honestly don’t know how much more I can take, but obviously I’m still here.  Please know your not alone.  I’m 51 and my husband is 56.  I never saw this coming..today he wants to be nice to me.  And I just want to 🤢 throw up...I feel like I come last with everything around here...or do they even see me??? So we shouldn’t be treated this way and nor should they treat the ones that love them and care for them daily this way, ever...no excuses...Cancer or no Cancer...so tell him.   He wouldn’t like it. Or if you have a daughter say would you like our daughter to be talked to and treated this way.  You are amazing in every way possible!!! He needs you, bc yes he has Cancer!  He is mad and upset, I get that...but at the end of this your the only ones his family who are gonna talk about him almost everyday and feel the heartache.  Not anyone else...they might talk about him twice or three times the first year...and then maybe every other...if that...hold on!!! As hard as it might be, you don’t want any regrets...❤️ ... View more

Patches,  I couldn’t agree with you more.  Having to watch your sick loved one, isn’t fair.  My heart breaks for you.  I was getting worried bc I haven’t seen you on here, or no new posts.  We are always here for you Patches.  Please know we all know,  but we don’t know what you are going thru, because everyone’s experience is different.  But we all have compassion and a heart on this site, so please know we are here for you always.  I miss talking to you, my husband also has stage 4 appendix cancer, and I can only pray to be so strong as you.  ❤️😘 ... View more

Hi Patches, I’m so sorry you are going thru all this.  I didn’t know you were moving?  I thought you were with your father in-law.  I live in Mass and here they give you the option.  My sister in-law passed away from lung and brain cancer when she was 55, 2014.  They kept asking us about hospice.( which is were critical pts go in their final days, or who need lots of care) anyways it wasn’t until she got really bad at the end that my mother in-law and sister in-law, couldn’t bare it anymore.  So they finally said yes to hospice on the 30th of August, she was admitted at 5:00 p.m and at 2:05 a.m I awoke with a weird feeling and got up to look at all the kids.  I checked on them and as I was heading back to my bedroom, I looked at the clock it was 2:12 a.m.  I was walking by my kitchen island and the cordless phone was right there and started ringing.  Of course it is never good news at that time.  So I answered and got the news that my sister in-law passed away.  9 hours later.  Honestly she never woke up once there and the face her morphine right in her port...she finally looked comfortable and at ease.  Instead of pain.  The priest came in and like I said not even 9 hours later she passed.  My heart goes out to you.  Know your options and if you decide it’s getting to much, then only you will know...sending you a great big Hug, you are amazing!!! Your husband knows how lucky he got with having you by his side.  Xoxo ... View more

Hi Patches, we haven’t heard from you so I just wanted to see how you are doing and of course your husband.  Are the nurses still coming to your house?  Well again I just wanted to check in with you and send you a hug. Traci-Rene’e ... View more

Hi kymmy1001,  I joined also bc my husband has been diagnosed with appendix cancer that has metastasized.  BUT my sister in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer at age 55.  They first found it in her brain with a tumor, then they found more tumors. They then thought colon, breast, lung.  That’s when she told them she smoked. They went right for the lung and there it was.  She had Small lung cell Adenocarcinoma.  They gave her 6 months tops . She was diagnosed June 3rd 2013 and passed away August 31 2014.( 9 days before her 56th birthday)   She knew nothing and didn’t want to know.  The dr’s told my other sister in-law everything.  My husband is also 55 and they both got diagnosed at age 55 and the month of June.  Her June 3rd and Him June 18th...both fell on a relatives birthday.  Hers on my nieces birthday and his on her sons birthday.  So three things in common and weirdly so.  Is he on steroids bc the steroids made my husband very mean and wanting to look at everything I did as wrong.  Once I talked to the dr’s they started taking his steroids away.  Other than treatment and he was so much better.  I would tell the dr’s I did and I cried.  You don’t deserve to be beaten down, it’s hurtful when you obviously love him, if you didn’t you wouldn’t be taking this on.  But I would speak to the dr’s bc if it isn’t the steroids the cancer could have spread to the brain or somewhere.  You are an angel. God bless and if you need to talk Kymmy1001, please know I am here.  Sending you a great big hug.  ❤️ Traci-Rene’e ... View more

Hi Aia, thank you for your kind words, especially when you are going thru so much yourself.  My husband has stage 4 Appendix cancer, that has metastasized.  Unfortunately my kids have just heard the terrible news in January 15th.  My daughter then asked how long her daddy has.  The dr just shook his head and said I’m sorry, I truly am, but I just don’t know how long he has. He is 56, I’m 51.  We’ve been together 28 years. My life is not what it use to be.  My husband doesn’t know anything.  He chose he doesn’t want to know anything other than he has cancer.  So that’s what he knows and doesn’t know how bad😪.  Which is killing me inside bc I know everything.  I lost my dad in 2007, and miss him dearly.  He was 60.  Cancer sucks... it sucks for our loved ones who have it, it sucks for their family who I’d dying inside, bc we can’t make anything better. Or caregivers of loved ones.  We all need each other to vent. I believe strongly that talking really helps.  Please stay healthy your self.  I’m so sorry you are going thru all this, I hope you have a support system.  Like siblings, family or good friends.  Where are you located?  I’m outside of Boston mass.  Please keep in touch.  ❤️ ... View more

Aia, I’m sorry you are going thru such a hard scary time with your mom also.  Your post to Brodie was beautiful and true.  I totally believe you need to cry.  I cried in front of my husband when he was first told of his diagnosis, and maybe a couple times after.  But now I just cry away from him, so he doesn’t see or hear.  I usually wait till I go to my moms, at night.  I feel bad letting it all out there but I don’t have many choices.  I’m either with him all day and can’t do it then so it’s my mom who has to see me all red eyed and flustered or a mess.  But you absolutely got one thing right, we are hear for everyone who needs us. Big or small.  We all need someone right!  Please take care of yourselves and always know you need to vent, we are here.  I have many times, my husband was really mean and I would just right and feel a little bit of relief.  Take care.  Stay healthy and I hope to hear from you both soon.   Traci-Rene’e ❤️ ... View more

EmmaP,     just want you to know, you are not alone.  We care and are here for you.  ❤️ Traci-Renee ... View more