Yeah, she is still on chemo and will be for the rest of her life. My me time really only is when I’m at work (I work in health, so no respite there lol) or when she is stressed out dealing with the kids in the morning and I am so over it that I pretend I’m asleep. I’m desperate to have some real me time, not just an hour where she takes the kids to the park. I often try to talk to her about it but she just doesn’t get it. Her response is always that she has cancer and is doing her best looking after the kids and staying alive. I rarely see happiness or joy in her eyes anymore. And it kills me.
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My wife was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer a few weeks after giving birth to our second child. She is only in her 30’s, and our eldest is 2. She is one year on from diagnosis. We were given less than 6 months, but she has responded amazingly to chemo and surgery. Still lots of tumours all all over the place, but she is functioning quite well. I am am finding each day harder to deal with. Not only because the kids are maniacs, but I feel like I am constantly wrong, constantly agitated and can never communicate or do anything right. I am lost and alone. She is obviously having a hard time as well, and I totally get it, but it seems like negativity- my hair is falling out, I look like I have a disease, I feel like crap, etc. I can’t help but take this personally- I can’t fix it, nor can I convince her it doesn’t matter, and it’s obvious it is weighing very heavily on her. Selfish as as it sounds, I feel like I lost my wife already. I can pinpoint the day and hour. Ever since post op she found out there were more tumours, there has been this invasion of negative vibes. The kids eat up all of her goodwill and happiness, and I get the dregs and exhaustion. I often feel like a 5th wheel. Needed to do things but not welcome to be a part of anything nice. It’s shit. I shouldn’t be staring down the barrel of being a single dad. I shouldn’t have to watch my wife blame herself for how she looks, be upset that I’m the only one that’s going to see our kids grow up. I shouldn’t feel alone. There is so much more I need to blurt out, but I’m not a great emotion sharer, so will have to be piece by piece.
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.