About Picara14

Picara14

Yeah, it really does help knowing you're not alone going through this stuff in the early hours, since it feels so scary and isolating! Woke up at 3am again, but listening to a podcast is helping me calm down and fall back asleep.

Picara14

Yeah, I'm struggling with this problem as t the moment too. I've just finished Round 1 of chemo and while I should be pleased that the infusion bottle is off and the side effects were minor, this afternoon and tonight I had racing anxiety I couldn't control and couldn't stop crying. I think it was a combination of exhaustion from the chemo and all the worry and panic I had during it...all the uncertainty of the first time. I have great support from my family and with the help of Valium and sleeping pills was able to get to sleep for a few hours. But now it's 3sm and my mind is racing again... I can't stop thinking about everything I have to do, all the upcoming appointments, etc, and all the uncertainty. I don't have any useful suggestions to offer anyone yet about this stress and wakefulness, just that writing this down does make me feel a bit better. Here's hoping we can all find effective distractions/cooping mechanisms in time!

Picara14

Sorry it's taken me a while to reply, and especially to thank Captain Australia for their wise and kind advice. The last week has been a blur --got my diagnosis last Tuesday and Thursday, then had the PICC line installed and had a full day of chemo today. The diagnosis is relatively good --the cancer hasn't spread beyond the pancreas and the mass in my nose is most likely benign --one ENT doctor suggested retesting (with the lovely comments that it "looks and smells like cancer") but it was vetoed by her boss. I specifically asked the doctor not to tell me the stage or prognosis yet, but it doesn't sound like its advanced much beyond stage ii. Furthermore, it's been diagnosed as "borderline resectable " after successful chemo/radiation and they've lined up a consultation with a surgeon for me in early Feb. It's a big relief, although I know the fight hasn't been won yet. And with the rotten nausea and cold sensitivity I've had with Folfirinox in session1 I know it'll be tough. But now I feel slightly optimistic about the future...

Picara14

Thanks, CaptainAustralia. It's encouraging to hear from someone who has beaten the odds and defied doctors' predictions. I hope I'm able to do the same thing --I'm ready and willing to fight, but I go for biopsy results on Tuesday and Thursday and am dreading to hear that it's a fight I can't win. I've been able to enjoy Christmas with my family and have generally been doing better about being strong since coming out of hospital on Christmas Eve. However, I still get overwhelmed with despair and panic and have spells of uncontrollable crying and hopelessness. I've been feeling even worse since last week, when I was told they found a lump in my sinuses that might be cancerous...that's got me convinced that the cancer has spread and that Tuesday's stage diagnosis is going to be the worst possible news. Last night I ended up at the emergency room getting a Valium prescription, because I felt like I just couldn't cope anymore. This still doesn't feel real at times, and at other times it feels like it's already the end. Hopefully I will feel better able to cope once I have the stage diagnosis...

Picara14

Thanks, sch and kj --your advice is really encouraging, and I see how breaking it down like this helps people cope and adjust. I've been feeling a bit better today, but it'll be up and down a lot, I imagine. I like the suggestion about writing everything down. So much gets thrown at you in diagnosis it's been hard to keep track of it all and remember what's real vs what you've just imagined! No stage diagnosis yet --I had a PET scan today and go for a staging laparoscopy tomorrow. I told my doctor not to tell me the PET results until after Christmas, so I can put this aside for a while and just enjoy being with family.

Picara14

Hi everyone, here's my story: This Tuesday, I went to my doctor, expecting to be told I had gallstones, and instead heard I have either pancreatic or bile duct cancer. Since I work in China, I was advised to fly home early for Christmas and get a confirmed diagnosis and start treatment, which I did. I came out of hospital yesterday with a biliary duct stent, and confirmation that I have a 2.7 cm locally advanced pancreatic cancer which can't be operated on since it's too close to the blood vessels. I've been struggling to take in the news, and it's terrifying. I've can't talk about this without crying and feeling close to a panic attack and have needed sleeping pills every night. I'm 39, healthy otherwise and with no family history of cancer, and now I hear that it's not just cancer but one of the worst kinds? I've tried not to look at things like mortality rates, etc. online, but the little I know scares the hell out of me --there's no hope for a cure unless the chemo shrinks my tumor enough, and my doctor made this sound unlikely. How can I go from having a life I love -a job I really love in a big city with good friends and colleagues- to having less than 5 years to live? I am really struggling to cope with this question and would rather die right not if I didn't have my family. I have a staging laparoscopy on Tuesday and will start chemo in early January. Maybe things will feel less uncertain once I start treatment, but at the moment it's really hard to keep my mind off worst-case scenarios.

Re: Struggling with the uncertainty

Re: Struggling with the uncertainty

Re: Just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer --and te...

Re: Just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer --and te...

Re: Just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer --and te...

Just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer --and terrif...

Connect

More information

Join the community

Want to join the discussion?