November last I lost my best friend of 32yrs  and my loving husband of 27years to oesophageal cancer.  His battle was short but hard. 4 months is all we had from diagnosis. His cancer was very aggressive. He wasn't sick at time if diagnosis still working 10hrs a day. Just 3 days after diagnosis he was in hospital. He was a very sick man. It was devastating seeing him in so much pain. Watching him struggling with what had just been thrown our way. At time of diagnosis the cancer was in oesophagas, bile ducts, pancreas, liver, spine, sternum. He had surgery to put stents into bile  ducts. 1 week later another surgery, more stents. This time they found it in the stomach. His oncologist told us his cancer was very very aggressive. After the 2nd surgery he was given 2weeks with no chance of chemo. He had nerve blocks for pain. But 3 weeks in hospital his oncologist was happy with his progress and said if he wanted he was happy for chemo to start. Hubby said YES and begged for him to go as hard as he could with the chemo. We got to go home after almost 4 weeks in hospital. Chemo was hard. We got to do 3 rounds. But the 3rd round proved to be to hard. Back to emergency. Waiting while they found a bed on a ward. Just as a nurse came in and said I have a bed for you and I'm going to take you now, they took myself and our kids away from him, put us in a room. Next thing a Dr and nurse walk into the room and told us he had gone. They took us away from him in his last moments. We weren't with him. We talking with him. I don't understand. I struggle every day. Everyday the loneliness gets worse. The ache in my heart. I look at his empty chair and cry. 2 days ago I couldn't even walk in my room without falling in a heap. It's not getting easier. It's getting harder. He was only 50. I have wonderful friends who have been there for us from day 1. But I don't like asking for help. I don't like to intrude. I try to be strong for my kids. They need there mum to be functioning. But truth I'm not functioning. I'm not coping. I have no motivation. I'm lost.  ... View more