If you do a search of this website for the phase 'its not fair' you get a number of hits and given the context of this blog, I take it that the original message Artist in Recovery was trying to make was directed towards other cancer surviviors on this site. If you are irritated by other peoples opinions and want to let them know that, then you should engage them directly. Conversely, if this was a general message to the world that you don't like hearing whinging from other people about their various misfortunes, then you've probably outgrown this site. ... View more

This is a very complex question and one worth exploring I think. I've also been doing a bit of research into it and what I've found is that the incidence of some cancers is increasing for reasons that can't be explained by lifestyle deficiencies and an ageing population alone. For example, its widely cited that incidence rates of testicular cancer have been growing globally, and while a number of causes may have partially contributed to this, the overall rate of increase remains unexplained (see: http://aje.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/reprint/150/1/45.pdf.). There has also been a steady, dramatic and unexplained decrease in male fertility around the world over the last hundred years and the cause of this also remains unexplained (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-158463/Why-male-fertility-decline.html). Are these issues linked? are potential carcinogens like electromagnetic radition, caffine, car exhausts and the pill to blame? who knows? Personally, I don't believe in the link between stress and illness. I know a lot of people are and I'm very close to a few of them, but to me the idea that there is some kind of link between these things would mean that I had control over my body developing cancer at some point, and that I failed in that. However, I think it is an interesting idea. In the 2 years before I was diagnosed I had a lot of things happen: my wife was diagnosed with cancer; my father was diagnosed with cancer and passed away; we had several other family deaths; we had major issues with extended family members; my first child was born; we moved house 5 times including moving cities; one of my cats was killed and my dog died. All the time I was working in a fairly demanding and stressful job. But I still don't think any of that made me get cancer. Also, here's another interesting article I found that talks about global cancer rates: http://www.who.int/mediacentre/news/releases/2003/pr27/en/ ... View more

Welcome to the group loralee! it doesn't matter where your from, we're all here for the same reason. Looking forward to reading your book too Steve ... View more

Hey harker, This is the first time I've openly admitted this. For whatever reason, guilt has always been part of my character and I've become increasingly aware of this as I've matured, but having cancer has truly opened my eyes to it. I think it comes from deep seated insecurities and feelings of inferiority that I've had for as long as I remember. These issues have masifested in various ways throughout my life such as submissivenes, conflict avoidance and of course, guilt. When it comes to the guilt I described earlier, I really do feel that sometimes. I find I can easily talk myself around it, because I can also relive the terror at any moment, but its something that comes out of my subconcious that I can't help. I went into treatement trying to please everyone around me, at least at first. Then it dawned on me that it was my journey and that my feelings about it were more important as anyone elses. For me, it was a big realisation. I've since realised that applies to most things in my life. Steve ... View more

I get survivor guilt really badly sometimes when I post stuff on websites like this. I've met quite a few people on the web who are in the final stages of their lives and when I post stuff about challenges I'm having getting on with my life I feel like a real twat. When I speak to people in that situation, I really do feel lucky in so many ways. And I am. When I'm surrounded by other people my age in 'normal' situations I don't get survivor guilt or feel so lucky. I'm a black sheep now amongst my peers for facing things they dare each other to toy with. I'm still asked why I got cancer, 'surely something did it?' they say (i.e. its got to be your fault). No-one likes my answer of 'it was bad luck, ask my oncologist if you want'. I'm sure none of them feel guity for not having had it though. The fact is that no-one should feel guilty for surviving cancer. I think we should feel sad for those who didn't make it and those who aren't doing well, but its out of our control. Still, I think I'll always feel guity when I talk to someone worse off than me. ... View more

Hey Sally, Your story really is heartbreaking. I hope the you and the universe dish out a decent serve of karma on Andy's family. Sounds like they deserve it. Steve ... View more

I think there's some kind of unwritten, but strictly adhered to rule that requires any sonographic procedure that involves a man dropping his pants to be undertaken by several women, with the age of the women decreasing in proportion to the degree of awkwardness experienced by the man... at least in my experience anyway. ... View more

wow I can't believe this came up from a google search! maybe I should watch what I say - nah, stuff that. This is one place people should feel free to speak their minds and be honest. Thanks for your replies everyone, I know this is a big issue for a lot of cancer survivors. KathyKate - perhaps as Sailor says, your friend can't stand seeing what's happening to you because she's scared to death of confronting it herself... or perhaps she's just someone thats not worth knowing anymore (I've had a few of those people in my life too). ... View more

hey sally, Sorry to hear about what you and your family have gone through. I lost my dad to a secondry cancer near the liver almost 2 years ago. It happened about 2 months before I was diagnosed with a rare form of testicular cancer and a year after my wife was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and we all handled it in different ways. My dad never told us just how sick he was. He'd only ever talk to me about the next round of potential treatment and how he was going to battle it. He didn't even acknolwedge it during our last conversation togather, which was about an hour before he slipped into a coma and passed away. His death came as a shock to everyone that knew him, but looking back it was obvious how sick he was. He didn't make any plans or sort anything out either, which made things hard for us afterwards. But I think it would have been harder for him to deal with things himself before he died. Like you said about your husband, preparing for death would have meant giving up and he didn't want to do that, or show his family that he was doing that - even in his final moments. When I found out I had cancer I thought I'd be open with everyone about my sickness, and sort out all the loose ends etc. I've been lucky with treatment though and I never really had to fact those things like your husband or my dad did. I don't know how I'd go if it came to crunch time to be honest and i don't ever want to find out. One thing I've learned is that you can never please everybody (and sometimes anybody) with the way you handle things when your sick, or when your partner is. I completely agree with you about how there is no right or wrong way about going about things. Steve ... View more

One of my nurses spilt a tiny amount of chemo on her glove and wiped her brow with it. Half her eyebrow wiped off in one quick movement... scary stuff! ... View more