Hi Amanda, In relation to support from family and friends during cancer treatment,I found the emotional aftermath of cancer the most difficult experience of all. I could deal with surgery, chemo and radio but I was ill equiped to deal with the disappointment of what I thought were close relationships with some family and friends, relationships that proved to be not as strong as I believed. I found that discovering the weaknesses not the strengths of some relationships, heartbreaking. I believe I went through a mourning process for the loss of the relationship with my sister, a sister I had always believed would be there for me, but she wasn't. We still talk, not as often, I can't feel the same closeness, and this really cuts me to the bone. I taught my son, to love his family, family will be there to love and to help you when you need it, I believed that myself. Now I realise that I have to re-evaluate those ideals. Some friends disappeared, maybe because most of my energy was concentrated on treatment and I had little left for socialising, or maybe because they didn't know what to say, I don't know for sure. I lost my sense of humour for a time, not many understand what it feels like to loose the humour in life, but to me it was important. I went on a search for "ME", I read books, I went to forums about "Living well after cancer" and to "A day with Petrea King", I joined a support group (which I highly recommend)and I joined this website. I still have a way to go but I am feeling stronger and happier with each new day. Cancer changes the direction of your life, it is a sudden change, most of us find change of any kind hard to cope with but I guess learning to adapt our behaviour and responses to others behaviour, ultimately will benefit our own mindset and health. ... View more

Hi Bo, I'm very new to all this so hope I'm doing this correctly:) My husband of 33 years was diagnosed with stage IV bowel cancer in Feb 08. A bowel blockage was removed through surgery and the surgeon said he had just closed up because my husband was full of cancer!! He had never had a sick day in his life. I understand how you are feeling. The shock is incredible, isn't it? We were not given any positives at the time and our son, who lives overseas, was advised to come home asap by the oncologist. I don't know what advice to give except to say that we just refused to take on the negativity (not easy)and got in touch with a good naturapath while my husband was still in hospital to begin a support program and to prepare for chemo which we were told may give him some more time. We use meditation to control the terror and help the body to heal itself through visualisation and healthy self-talk eg I'm strong and healthy and I'm going to live to 100 (every day, all day). I also find every survival story I can to give my husband the belief that he can be well again. (e.g. Ian Gawler , given 2 weeks to live with metastised cancer 20 odd years ago!!!) We believe strongly in using right language to talk to ourselves about the cancer. ie. in our self-talk and when talking to others we don't "fight" the cancer we move strongly towards wellness. My husband is still working at a very high pressure job and has come through two rounds of chemo with very limited side effects. The oncologist is very surprised at my husbands great progress.He is now on Avastin and we are praying for good results from that. Please don't misunderstand, I still suffer feelings of terrible dread at what may come but I remind myself that not one person on this planet knows when his hour will come ...even me! So we just don't keep setting goals for the future and just "know" we are going to reach them. I think support groups are a great idea too. You will probably find that you need different kinds of support to your husband so take good care of yourself and remember the doctor's are only working on averages and your partner may just be one of those people who doesn't follow the norm!! Big hugs to you and your husband I'll send you golden light in my meditation! ... View more