A black hole and no way out

[chaoticcircus]

Recently found out my best friend, partner and dad to our kids has terminal liver cancer. The specialists knew he had cancer but not as bad as it is there is no point on a transplant because it apparently can grow back and then go into his other organs, The only treatment left now is tablets or chemotherapy injected directly into the tumors. He has been given no more than 2 years to live. I have told all his family and friends and any other phone calls needed because it is to hard for him to handle which he is appreciating. But what really is going to be hard for both of us we have 6 very young children who all are very attached to their dad and love their dad very much how do i tell them or what do i do? Or do i tell them at all? I am lost, angry and upset and feel like i am in a black hole with no way out.

[little_stitcher]

I can remember that feeling. I'm not going to give you advice, but I'm sending you hugs of support. This is a great place to come to share, vent and be supported. love Emily

[chaoticcircus]

It defiantly is not a nice feeling, Thank you very much for that Emily probably lots of venting going to be from me through this hard time

[Jules2]

Hiya chaoticcircus Have you thought about contacting the cancer council for some advise? I am sure their counsellors would be able to help you come to a decision or plan of attack. It is such a tough thing to have to face and you have already been incredibly strong having to deal with telling everyone else. All my best to you. Julie

[Rich]

Hi there, I have had liver cancer (secondary, carcinoid syndrome) for 13 years now and was told I had 3-4 years to live back in 1999. Is your partner's cancer a secondary by chance as only primary liver disease will get a transplant. I have just completed Lutate therapy and my liver function has turned around remarkably. I have tumours in many sites now but still hopeful this last treatment may clear some of it. There's also a thing called Sirtex which may be of value? Please don't take no for answer on there being no treatments available. Happy to exchange info on this with you. Your anger and upset is pretty normal and what made me respond to your post. You need to vent, I appreciate that, but don't sustain that too long as it will tire you out, create unneccessary angst and you wont be any good to your partner. I have two children (9,15) who know everything about my disease and have done so for at least 5 years. Hard to avoid when I have been in and out of hospital so many times. I've found them both to be very supportive, helpful, understanding of my mood swings and they have become stronger kids for it. If they are old enough to understand, then I would tell them, start with the oldest and then wait to see how that is digested, if it's handled well then move to child 2 and so on. It's awkward but it's a gentle approach that's required and you'll be able to detect any changes knowing which ones know. I know that there would be anger if your partner passed away and they didn't know and were old enough to understand and also prepare themselves as the grieving process can be really tough. My mother died when I was 13 from Cancer so I have been there. Having known made it easier to digest and accept when it eventually happened. I hope this makes sense. Keep seeking answers for treatments and ask lots of questions, just don't accept that it's 2 years and that's that! It doesn't have to be a black hole. The Glass is half full, not half empty. Positivity is really needed. One day at a time and the bad ones need to be forgotten and the good ones need to be remembered and enjoyed, after all, these will be your happy memories. Rich