Am beside myself tonight

[chris_martin]

I think most of you know my story with my 83yr old dad with oesophageus cancer. Well tonight I spoke to him and he can't breath. My daughter and I are going up this week to pick him up and bring him down here with me for a week. Now he is ready to come and live with me as I think he knows he hasn't much time left but I cannot get another 12mth lease and that leaves us both in limbo. Also my brother rang tonight and I know he loves dad so much but he is saying to me as my kids are that maybe it is time for pop to go but I can't and won't accept that. What do I do as I feel as though I have no control anymore and I can't lose my precious dad!!!!

[WishingStar]

Hi Chris, Thinking of you. Nicole

[carolyn2]

hi its always hard to lose some one you love but they are only thinking because hes in alot of pain and they dont want to see him suffer life isnt fair but youre dad will always be with you in spirit

[CATS]

Chris - Hi I am thinking of you. Look at the situation this way - you have got your wish for your Dad to be with you. Now for the other concerns : as carolyn2 said when he does pass he will always be with you in spirit and the one and only thing that got me through Dad's last days was the fact he knew I loved him and I knew he loved me. Then I went down in a screaming heap. But I had to remember that he was no longer in pain and at that stage, as you will find, knowing the suffering of someone you love so deeply is over and they are finally at peace does bring some relief. Yes we who are left behind feel as though we can't go on without them - it is now our time to suffer(even though we have already been)but we still must remember that the person we loved so much, in this case our Fathers- are now FREE. The self destructive path I took after Dad died - I knew Dad would be suffering to see me like this - so I sought help. Admittedly it was not until 5 years later that I really started to accept the fact that he was gone and I was able to really get on with my life and do things - volunteer work with people suffering substance abuse, especially alcoholism. Through this I became who I thought my Dad would be proud of and I'm sure that whatever grief I had caused him in life and death was hopefully now rectified and he could finally rest in peace knowing that I too was experiencing a peace of sorts. Sorry Chris this was about you but as you probably know by now when I am passionate about something I just go on and on and on. But in all that I hope you found something to hang on to. Take care xxooxx

[chris_martin]

Hi guys. Thank you so much for your words of comfort.I hope I didn't mislead you but dad is coming to stay for a couple of weeks and now that I think he would agree to live here this stupid lease is stopping that from happening. Am due to ring agent again next week to see what's happening.CATS I know that dad knows how very much I love him and I know how much he loves me but he keeps telling me he hasn't got much pain but I don't believe him - I will be able to tell when he is here. Friends of his up there have told me to get a shock when I see him as he has lost 11 kilos since I last saw him(end April). And CATS I have found something to hang on to-thank God for all you wonderful people on this site and I am so lucky to have my CC councilloe ring every 2 weeks but I think I only have 1 more call left-I REALLY hope not. When dad comes down next week I'm sure we will have lovely chats and remember old times and I will try my hardest not to let him see me cry as people have said that he so afraid of how I will handle things when he goes. Thanks all for helping me. Chris