Finding the strength within

[glenys48woods]

Did you investigate the latest Brecon book of the front page? The heading to my blog is How do we Find the strength within as this pointed out how difficult cancer is as someone was saying. If someone out with advanced info can answer this it would be great. There is another one called "Responding rather than reacting to life's challenge's". How????? The way I see this is that you wouldn't mind having a falsie after a mastectomy. I am confused with it so please help me. We as all of us would help each other with this one as surviving cancer is not easy. This is on my mind as I would like to have help with it please. I don't like the add on TV where it says that if you could have a mammogram it can be caught early and it could save your life. Life after cancer is emotional and hard. Then I wouldn't mind adding this to the blog. There is emotions and rules in support groups so ask about them if you feel the need. Glenys. xxxx

[SILLY]

What don't you like about tha t.v. add ? Isn't it good that it is reminding women to have mammograms ? I think it's good .

[glenys48woods]

Yes it is reminding women to have mammograms but what life we have after cancer I don't know. The word cancer diagnoses is changing personality word with a big shock to it. Glenys

[glenys48woods]

Hi everyone, How long can we all recover from breast cancer with the diagnoses to it is my question as my husband is saying that I am taking too long to recover. Can anyone help me out with this please? I am just starting to see a psychologist. Glenys.

[The_Rowan]

Glenys, I am glad to read that you are seeing a psychologist as part of your recovery now. I hope they can help you come to terms with your diagnosis and treatment for breast cancer. We all cope with our own personal cancer experience differently, and I hope that one day you can get to the point where you can move on and look forward to your future. The majority of we cancer patients have had bits removed as part of our treatment (I had a radical hysterectomy as part of mine). Whilst at the time this may be confronting, try to focus on the fact that your cancer has been removed and treated, and that you have been given the chance to live again. Get out here and do something special to celebrate the fact that you are still here!

[glenys48woods]

Hi Rowan, Yes I agree with you but there are quite a lot of questions of how to deal with it and to have help to help others so this is part of the reason why I am doing what I am doing. I have been told by others that I have gain a lot of info in my life. This psychologist has had breast cancer herself and she has done the specialising study on it too so this is good for me. I am excited about this as this 1st appointment is tomorrow morning at 10.30am. I don't know if you find it hard to come to terms having the surgery you had as I think it is different of having a mastectomy. Glenys xx

[The_Rowan]

Having a radical hysterectomy when you have not had any children is just as confronting as a mastectomy. It is how you choose to move forward from that point that makes the difference. I went through the whole process with limited support or understanding from family, but I chose to not let myself wallow in self pity, but to move on with life and to look forward to whatever comes next. I hope you can reach this point for yourself too.

[Allicat]

Hi Glenys, I don't think your husband can say it's taking you "too long" to recover as there surely not any rules about how long it should take. All of us have our different problems which are hard for each of in different ways. But for your own sake it would be good if you were able to accept your surgery and move forward with less of a burden. It is good you are going to see a psychologist. I go to a counsellor and I think talking with someone is very helpful. I hope you will find it helpful too. When I was going through treatment I used to say to myself "One day this will all be in the past" and a while ago I realised that I have gotten to that point emotionally. Cancer no longer dominates my thoughts, and no longer has any great impact on my day-to-day life. Best Wishes Alli

[glenys48woods]

Hi Rowan, I agree with you but what is a radical hysterectomy? It must be hard for you not to have children after that surgery as I have got a friend in that situation too. I have a book called "Picking up the pieces" that I got from the UK. I have read 4 chapters and it sounds really good. maybe you could get it. It is hard to pick yourself up just after the surgery. I felt really deeply hurt with losing my breast. Glenys. xx

[glenys48woods]

Hi Allicat, WOW that's good for you. I am glad you said to me that why would my husband say that to me as I agree with you. There isn't any rules about how long it should take. You have put your message really good. Best Wishes Glenys

[Allicat]

Hi Glenys, How are you going? Has talking with the psychologist been helpful? Often, after I have talked to my counsellor, I want to then talk to someone else about the counselling session. Best wishes Allicat

[SILLY]

I had my surgery in my nose and eye areas so that cannot be hidden . I felt that it was ugly but have seen others whose appearance was altered much more . This made me realise that I was not as badly off . Still ,I hated the changes so had an eyelid lift, in 2012 , to make the eye look more normal . It helped . I'm planning to have eyebrow lifts so that the eyes will be closer in size . After that I'm planning to have my eyebrow ,which I lost through surgery , tatooed . I found counselling (5 or 6 sessions) 3 years ago helped me enough to cope but I still needed to to what I could to feel better ,more normal . I didn't rush into these things as I thought about them for a long time . I think I have accepted all that happened gradually during the past three and a half years . I hope you can get to this stage and that your counsellor will be the right one for you . Mine was for me .

[Elizabeth_255]

Hi Glenys. I think maybe how we view cancer, our specific cancer and it's scars is such a personal,individual thing. My sister said her double mastectomy was one of the most freeing things she's ever done. She was thrilled about it, but not the cancer itself. Some find it seems to be a symbol for lost feminiinity. Everything is proportionate to the way we view it. Personally, my scar from pubic bone to breast bone is not even something i think about. It's just there. We each find our own comfortt level i guess in our own way. Perhaps you will also find your comfort zone with time and understanding. Don't be hard on yourself, give yourself time and support. Elizabeth.

[SamR]

Hi Glenys, I hope the counsellor is the right one for you. I can understand your feelings about the "saving your life" theme with early detection campaigns ( they are aimed at people who haven't had cancer), because whilst it is true that it can save your physical existence, the turmoil it creates in life in general and the emotional reaction, can often feel like you are drowning in an overwhelming flood tide of changes. For me it felt like a twister experience, whereby my life was suddenly and dramatically changed forever, yet my friends and extended families lives changed very little. It can feel very lonely when close family cannot understand how much you are grieving for the changes. Perhaps your husband is trying to tell you, that it does not change his feelings for you? I found as the years went by the sadness lessened, as the struggle to maintain the semblance of recovery and normality took hold, "I was in the trenches", I had other family problems to cope with, so my personal grief had to take a back seat. It takes a long time to realise that life after cancer is a different life, it is NOT a return to the life you knew before .. And that takes a LOT of ADJUSTMENT and the GRACE of ACCEPTANCE, to let go of the "old you" and everything you felt you knew about you and accept the "new you". It is a little like becoming an amputee in many ways, whether visible or not, many of us have lost something we felt we had a right to keep. For me, 11 years ago there were very few avenues for counselling after treatment it seemed, at least I don't recall any being offered and the few people I spoke with, seemed to have little of use to add. Now I think the medical profession are starting to realise that "saving your life" means more than merely "keeping you breathing". Take it one day at a time and one day it truly will feel like it is in the past and the changes will be part of your life experience, which has made you stronger and more resilient. Take care!

[Elizabeth_255]

Tim, although your reply was for Glenys, i found it very helpful and full of good advice from your own Journey. I'm feeling at that empty place - where you kind of feel like a robotic Zombie, did you go through that? I think the only emotions i seem to feel are rage and ? Not sure. At the moment, exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed by our long Journey are the main feelings. Have been trying to find a support Group for carers, families of cancer patients, but they seem to be scarce as hens teeth. Thanks for your posting. Elizabeth