Head & Neck cancer...what to expect nearing the end.

[Roni]

My father has so bravely been fighting cancer which started in his tonsil and has since spread to his tongue/mouth, jaw... Chemo is starting to not be an option due to the toll it is taking on his body, he can barely swallow and is in immense pain in his head/ear. I know my darling daddy is not going to be with us for long, but I'm so scared and can't find out what to expect? I'm so scared he will continue to suffer.... Has anyone been through this with a loved one? I'm just so lost and scared for him.....

[Yamba_Barbie]

Hi Roni - So sorry to read about you dear Dad. I have been a full time carer for my mum-in-law who came to live with my husband and I after being diagnosed with terminal cancer - secondaries from previous bowel cancer. Yes, it is very hard and gut-wrenching to watch someone you love going through this. Mum-in-law, Joyce, did not have any chemo - she was too frail from previous operations etc and already had long term lung complications. Having lost her beloved husband Jack, after 55 yrs was also taking its toll on her. She was very down, to start with. Had to end up on very heavy pain killing meds which affected her mentally as well. I don't really know what to say, except that yes, it is hard, and yes, you know "that day" is coming, but just do the best you can to be supportive and there are great people who give counselling through the Cancer Council - they will come to you, so please, do not be afraid to ask for help. Your feelings are very very normal - we do not like to see the ones we love suffer so much - it is in the nature of all women (especially daughters) to want to nurture and help as much as we can. But at the same time, we feel so helpless ...... Just let him know every day how much you love him, how much you value him as your dear dad and I know it;s hard, but try not to let him see your fear - I did A LOT of crying, in secret, as did my husband. Joyce went into palliative care the last 2 weeks of her life. They were wonderful. I do think that being with us rather than in a nursing home made her last months so much more comforting for her. It was hard work, but looking back I would not have had it any other way. Her actual passing was very peaceful. She just went into a deep sleep, and that was that. We were there right to the very end. Please, contact me anytime if you want to chat - I am more than happy to help, give solace, or just some kind words, anytime you need them. Yours in love, Yamba_Barbie xx

[Jules2]

Hi Roni There is a website that gives information on end stage cancers and what to expect and signs etc... I am sorry to read that your dad is in pain and I hope that they can do something about the pain for him. Julie xo

[#4]

Hi Roni, Yamba_Barbie and Jules2 Just a short note to let everyone know that there are a range of resources available here on Cancer Connections specifically for people who are caring for a partner, family member or loved one: www.cancerconnections.com.au/content/resources-carers Kind regards, Felix Cancer Connections Coordinator

[malo1]

Hello Roni I am so sorry to hear about your dad and would like too offer my heart and thoughts which are with you and also say that I went through the same treatment as mine started on my left tonsil and spread too my neck and I just want too say that as long as your there holding your dad's hand it is priceless as I went through treatment away from my kids and that was worse than the treatment so much love and peace too you and your dad.