I Dont know what to do

[Faithlilly]

Hi everyone, Im new here so please understand if I make a few mistakes along the way. I am the Aussie residing partner of a fabulous man who resides in the US. He had just told me he has a recurrence of throat cancer. Being so far away from someone you love is hard enough, but to be told this makes it even harder. He thought his cancer had returned, but was so scared he put off going to the Doctors until he could avoid it no longer. He has now asked me to get on with my life and not worry about him, that he will be fine, hes beaten it once before he will do it again. He has not given me any further details. I need advice on what to do. Literature I have read suggests that friends and family should not walk away but keep up normal daily contact. I feel that his telling me to get on with my own life is an attempt to protect me from what may be a battle he cannot win.I am 25 he is 35, so he is very aware of our age difference and doesnt think I can cope with it I suppose.I'm tougher than I look and mature for my age so I think I would handle it OK. I have my own support network here also I have told him that I want to be involved and help where I can, however, if he feels I can't be I will give him space and time, and when he ever needs to talk to someone I will be here for him, any time any place. I appreciate that I should respect his wishes, but Im not the sort of person to cut and run. I would like to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

[peanutz]

After we learnt that my partner of 10 years (at the time) has brain tumour and it's one of the worst with bad prognosis, he offered me to break up with him. I told him I don't need that and we will fight together. In my mind, I thought it was ridiculous offer and wondered what made him said that. He's not a stray animal and even with animal when we find it sick we try to help it. There is no way I can leave him alone in this tough fight. I don't think age difference is an issue. Our age difference is more than yours but I'm older than you. If I were you, I would pay him a visit to have a good chat with him.

[Faithlilly]

Thanks for responding peanutz, Did your partner change his mind? Mine seems kind of adamant at the moment. He wont talk to me at all. I have told him Im not going anywhere and I am here anytime he needs to talk, vent, cry, laugh, etc. I also have NO IDEA of what he is going to go through at all, Ive been very lucky I suppose to have not had any involvement with someone who has suffered this horrible disease. I don't know where to start to be constructive help for him, what the terminology is all about, what course of treatment will be offered and in what order? Im hoping I will get lots of feedback from this site as I need all the help I can get. Im thinking of booking a ticket, but I would prefer to keep that till he really needs me there with him. I can't afford to many visits unfortunately. But I thank you so much for your reply, it is most certainly appreciated. Hugs.....

[peanutz]

Well, we're still together and have been fighting this disease for a year now. It's not an easy journey. His medication and treatments have changed him both physically and mentally. There are times he made me so mad and I had asked if I could still take up the offer. He said not a chance! Don't worry about not knowing much. I started this journey thinking that a surgery will fix it. English is not my first language either. With time and Google, you will pick up all there is to understand. Your love, caring and understanding for him will guide you through. Find a friend you can reach when needed. You can choose to read what other people experience or take it as it is. One day at a time. Hang in there.

[Faithlilly]

Dear Peanutz, your post made me smile....not a chance! thats cute.I live in hope now. I have been given some fabulous information from the helpline here so I am going to wade my way through it. My mind is made up, Im not going anywhere, he just has to accept that and Im hoping he will eventually. But if I can make myself fully informed I may not seem so much as a burden to him on this journey hes now on. so thats my project now, become fully informed. Im really lucky that I have the support of my family and friends in this which Ive told him about. So when he does contact me again, he will know he wont have to worry about me worrying about him - that I am fully supported. I love this man alot and Im not about to walk away right now - hes way way too important to me to do that. Im going to stay and fight, both the cancer and for my man! But your experience has told me not to give up, to keep hanging in there. I feel a bit more empowered thanks to you and the stuff Im reading. Thank you so much, I wish you and your guy nothing but the best. Will keep you posted. Hugs XXX