Ahhh the merry-go-round of life. How does the saying go? Stop the world I want to get off? Its the niggle again. YOU know, the niggle. The one you have after cancer treatment that turns you into a slight hypochondriac. The cancer is back the cancer is back is what we shriek internally when we are feeling slightly unwell and to which we respond "nothing dear" when our spouses ask if anything is the matter. Because really, when you have cancer, so does everyone else in your family and phew, how exhausting is it to reassure everyone that you are not going to slash your wrists with your pink daisy Gillette razor, you just want to look somewhat feminine for the latest batteries of testing.
Well I have almost Gilletted up for tomorrows CT Scan. My niggle is taking on the appearance of vertigo, memory loss, facial / eye heaviness, front and back headache. So off to the testing farm we go 🙂
I wonder what they will find. My hypochondriac mind is shouting LESIONS! My brain is being chewed up... my rational self is saying - bloody hell, we go back to work at the end of the week, this had better be nothing because I don't have time for this!
My tumour which was an Epithelioid Trophoblastic Tumour ETT (I call her Etty) is temperamental (pardon the pun) she cant work out whether she wants to stay benign or turn malignant. I suppose the choice is like choosing between Haigh's chocolate or Lindt. Its just so hard! So whilst she is deciding between the two, I am feeling the effects. Uncertainty, fear of recurrence etc etc.
So whilst I go have my CT scan tomorrow, I will be hoping that my brain is stuck on the ski biscuit of school holidays, is having way too much fun and is overwhelmed at the knowledge that school holidays are coming to an end. I do hope my brain remembers that we have guests tomorrow and to take off her bikini's and sunnies and to behave properly!
