Stunned and confused

[DizzyDee]

My father has pancreatic cancer, he is in pain, emotional and I feel completely lost as to what is going to happen to him. He thinks that he just has to accept what has happened and is happening and more or less just allow the cancer to take over. Of course I don't want him to do this but how do you tell someone who finds everyday a painful experience, that he must not give up? I have no idea what he is going through, I do not know what the pain feels like, I do not know what the nausea feels like, I do not know how terrifying it is to have your whole life, basically, taken out of your hands and handed to this evil monster that is called cancer. What right do I have to tell him to endure this, constant torture. I love him and I cannot do more than that. Not one tear I shed, not one ounce of guilt I feel, not one scream I allow to escape are going to make any difference to what is hurting him. I don't know how to react to something being completely out of my hands, when it comes to someone I love. I hope I never get used to it!

[vinouche]

My heart goes to you, I know what it is like to feel so helpless, both my parents have died of cancer, yes I wanted them to fight, my mother did fight, my father gave up after about ten months. He came to me and told me he didn't want to go on. All you can do is give your dad your love and support in whatever he chooses to do as in the long run, his decision will have an impact on his health. I now have cancer myself and my family has a lot of faith in me and say I am very strong. I do not feel strong and I thought chemo was the most vile thing I ever had to put up with. It turns out I am responding well to chemo, but I have told my family that whne the time comes that I have fought enough, I want them to let me go. I hope they will respect my wishes. So talk to your father and find out what he really wants, and most of all let him know how much you love him. Sylvie