The new normal

[Bluejandaling]

I caught up with a friend who's back in town for Xmas. I know it's only been 3.5 weeks since the last chemo, but I'm feeling really good. Going to the beach everyday for a quick dip in the ocean has helped. The cold water invigorates me and I get a dose of vitamin d. I'm careful to not spend too much time in the sun as the drugs I've been on make me photosensitive. I'm going to throw out my ativans/lorazepam. I'm a little too reliant on them. I freaked out today when my kid had a cold be because up until 2 weeks ago, a cold= hospitalization, on ab drip etc... It's a strange space to be in... I'm not quite who I might be when the dust settles, but I'm not me from before. My baldness is an obvious sign of my recent near death experience. I'm really changing my idea of who a cancer survivor might be thanks to role models such as Lance Armstrong. It feels so good to be alive in one's body.

[rebecca]

Your right about how good it feels to be alive, I'm only just learning this myself, rather than worry about filling my life with busy "important things" I'm gradually getting to know what it's like to be quiet. It's nice to just hear the wind or rain or birds or radio or silence 🙂 and just be alive.

[SILLY]

The new me looks different. Myleft eye always looks sore and sometimes is. My nose is a bit misshapen and strange inside .But people usually notice one eye smaller and different to the other. There are eye drops and eye gels,nasal spray and nasal irrigation. There is my addiction to websites like this one and I think about my cancer everyday. The surgeon says forget about it , I do get on with life for the most part but unless I am engrossed in an activity it always creeps into my thoughts. I haven't slept proper hours for 13 months , but occasionally get 8 hours .I am trying to get back to normal sleeping. I take medication for nerve pain and sometimes something to help me sleep. Yet I do have a pretty good life ,much like before in many ways . There are many worse off than Iam . I am happy most of the time,most days.