Trying to stay normal

[daniel]

I am trying to stay strong,i am trying to stay positive...it seems in life when you have a problem you can usually solve it whether its in relationships,employment or anything that comes along.....unfortunatley with cancer its turning out to be one of those problems without a magic solution,no easy fix.I know"keep positive""keep strong"....i try and i try and i try...2 weeks ago i had a small bowel resection to remove a tumour which is almost certainly recurrence from having stage 4 inoperable metastatic esophageal cancer...PET scan yesterday and have to wait 2 weeks for the results 😞 my swallowing has deteriated dramatically in the last 2 weeks,i am losing weight daily,im severley fatigued and just staying awake is becoming a struggle.I been poked with that many needles,so many scans and loads of radiation and chemo in the last two years and recently and i dont know if i can handle it anymore ..Im angry,happy,sad,confused,scared and many other emotions all at the same time.

[edie]

Hi Daniel I am very very sorry to hear that things are not going well for you, and having to wait 2 weeks for results is not very good at all. I think that uncertainty is very hard to deal with. Cancer brings out all of those emotions you said. I am going to go against the grain re the general wisdom about having to "be positive". Why should you? You don't have to be anything. Having cancer and responding to cancer is not a moral issue - you feel what you feel and you are what you are. That is life and that is cancer. I really hope you have people around you who can help support you and who you can share your fears with. It must be very hard when you feel like you cannot take any more. I hope you find some answers and some peace. Edie

[SILLY]

I hope you hear from others with the same cancer or similar . I agree with the previous commrnt about being positive . I wasn't for a long while . I think you just deal with emotions the best way you can . I am amazed at people who seem to be positive all the time but feel sure all have down times . Talking here will help . If it becomes too much you could seek counselling . I know this doesn't appeal to many but I found it most helpful. It's worth a try .