Very sorry if i came across like i was telling people what type of attitude to have or how to deal with it..i sincerley apoligize...hmm i should have used 'I' more instead of 'you' i guess as i was really %100 referring to my own experience... dan. ... View more

hi betsy, I can so relate to some of the things you say..Even though i have a different type of cancer my experience with the whole thing has really changed my perspective on the people in my life. 2 years ago i was diagnosed with advanced oesophageal C with no hope of an operation or cure just the usual chemoradiotherapy...fortunatley for two years i had a great quality of life and gee i starting telling myself"im bloody cured,Im that guy they are going to talk about that beat the odds of 1 million people"....but still somewhere in my mind i just know that what the doctors tell me and the information i read has some accuracy to it and unfortunatley the fact is i was never told i would be cured and it was just pallative in nature..I too see the people on tv and i read the stories in the paper about how people have come through the whole cancer journey and life is great and everybody is smiling.... Dont get me wrong,anyone that can beat any type of cancer through early detection and prevention no matter what type of cancer is an awsome thing!:) Recently i have had recurrence in my oeasophagous and also tumour removed from my small intestine..in and out of hospital that many times now i have lost count..doctor tells me there is nothing they can do but try chemo in the hope they can hold it bay or at least alleviate the symptoms..well heavy stuff but what can i do..Im tired...im 37 feeling like im in the body of an 80 year old at the moment but hopefully that will change maybe for a short while or maybe for a long while..I really have come to terms with it and just let one moment in life move onto the next moment.. Most my friends have all but dissapeared and even my family is no longer close to me...I imagine sometimes it might be because they think im a whinger and "why doesnt he just get over it?" sometimes its really hard just to "get over it"..i smile,i tell everyone im in good spirits,"yes yes i know ALLLLLL about the placebo affect" i tell them...Doesnt help me when i feel like shit physically and cant eat my damn dinner now does it and i suppose thats where a little bit of anger and feeling alone comes from... I know i have a lot to be grateful for,when i see kids going through simliar things it really churns my heart because at least i have had a chance in life to make the mistakes i have made and experience the things that i have done so i never feel sorry for myself. Sorry to rant ond rave on and to be honest i hope what i have written makes sense lol(i seem to say some funny things nowadays)but like you say sometimes things just need to get out..I dont know your personal situation with your treatments,whether you are in remission or cured or family life betsy but i sure do hope that you can start to feel better and ultimatley make some sense of it all...thats all any of us can try to do :) dan ... View more

Hi julie,thanks for the reply :) well after going through the process of the operation and speaking to the surgeon who did my procedure i am somewhat heading in the right direction.After 4 times with the same bowel obstruction and finally being operated on and discovering it was cancerous the public hospital surgeon wants to see me in a couple of weeks regarding a procedure where they put the camera down my throat and into my stomach to have a good look...it basically will cover all areas i feel as in my last ct scan 2 months ago all my major organs dont have any sign of it still...i just keep my fingers crossed.... I guess in a way i get frustrated as being a cancer patient and having to go through the whole doctors shuffle back and forth it can be a little confusing.I have an appointment with my oncologist this week and should be interesting to see what he says about the problems that started back in march that turned out to be a tumour..I do know i have the odds against me and i just take it as it comes and the doctors cant be purfect with everything but in a big way at this point in my life its a case of "i want to know rather then not know"just lucky the cancer had not spread throughout my small bowel,then i guess they wouldnt have cut it out and i probably would have had a disasterous prognosis. I am out of hospital today and feeling good 🙂 and hopefully i can get on with some quality life without wondering if my food will go in one way and out the other..hehe...maybe im cured...now that would be awwwwwsome :) dan ... View more

thanks silly so true,i think the stats are based on average age of 60 so i really dont take much notice of them.. I have to be honest and admit that im p****ed off,p****ed off at my family,P****ed off at my friends,P*****ed off at my oncolgist,P*****ed off that i got dealt the short straw...im trying really hard to get back to normal life...really really hard...the only support i have had is myself and people such as yourself and venting on here is really helpful as im sure you and many others can understand what im going through..dont get me wrong i dont feel sorry for myself and i dont want peoples sympathy and i dont want everyone around fussing and talking about it all the time...its just the uncertainty of it all gets overwhelming sometimes.I think i need to put my energy and frustrations into something positive...sorry for the profanity :b dan ... View more

Thanks pamela and kasianne for your reply....I do not take the statistics as concrete and i think doctors just say the worst outcome as its a very sensitive area for a them to discuss with a patient.I guess its hard to be positive about the future all the time.I have lost 2 jobs this year from being in hospital and im back at square one..i would really love to live normal again,get up go to work,come home,look forward to my weekends,hang with friends,have a beer or two,you know just the normal stuff people do.A lot of the time i forget about my situation and then i see the hole where i had the peg tube and think"geez,thats right,i remember now"and also when i have difficultly swallowing i get a sense of reality and i cant help but feeling helpless about the whole thing...im a realist by nature and am not scared of dying as everybody has to go through it sooner or later..I do know there is not much i can do but look after my health,eat the right things,keep active etc and try to stay positive..after 2 years i suppose having cancer is old news for my family and friends and they probably think i should get over it because i still look ok.I always get people reffering to different types of cancers to me and saying"see they beat it"without having knowledge of how aggressive esophageal cancer is,especially after it has already spread to a distant site.I wish i did have the option to have surgery or some sort of closure,rip half my insides out if they had to,just get rid of the bloody thing..it really is like living with a ticking time bomb inside me and i dont know what the timer is set too,but then again i guess nobody knows when there time is up whether they have cancer or not. dan ... View more