Uncertainty is a distracting thaing....

[Teacher_Mum]

I cannot stand it. It is like having an itch I cannot scratch I am going insane, I am convinced of it, well hanging between insanity and feeling dark. Although, some would question my sanity to begin with.... The next 24 hours are going to drive me insane SO...I have decided I will laugh or perhaps even chortle my way into surgery. Please post a joke or three, a funny story or anecdote because I think the straw is about to break on this lumpy camels back! Teach xoxoxox

[samex]

Oh Teach I am so bad with jokes. I can't even think of anything funny that any of my kids at school did today. One of Yr 9 kids farted really loudly and nearly caused an evacuation of my room and I had to remain stern. Does that count?? Hang in there. You can get through the next bit. S

[Mrs_Elton]

My 8 year old son came out with this one today, If you go into the toilet as an American........ and you come out of the toilet as an American........ what are you while you are in the toilet??? European Sorry, that's all I could think of on the spot!! Jill xo

[WishingStar]

Sorry Teach cant think of a joke either, but will laugh with you like those laughing groups you see on a Current Affair etc that a meant to be good for your health and then everyone starts laughing ok here we go - he he he , ha ha ha, hooo hooo hooo, chortle chortle chortle, whoop whoop whoop etc etc etc - you are now in fits of deep belly laughter that you wetting your pants and even the orderlies have joined in - lets just hope it doesnt extend to the anaesthetists or the surgeons!!! heheheh hooo hooo hooo haaa haaaa Nicole (aka the crazy one)

[Jules2]

oh i cant think of a joke straight up either. Teach ... grab a joke book on the way, tell all the staff jokes. haha omg i am just watching grant denyer trying to eat a raw oyster and he couldnt he spat it out. haha Tried again and the same result. awwww poor grant!! Julie xo

[Teacher_Mum]

He he ! That's awesome! Thanks guys, I did have a chuckle - Now have I got one for you! A PhD teacher and a dear friend in Religious studies gave me this one so I figured it was ok! Feel free to laugh as loud as you like he he 🙂 This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. When the three wise guys from the East side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, “a man doth not live by sweat alone.” It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

[samex]

Ah Teach that is awesome. If I drown in dessert I want it to be chocolate mousse!! Good luck with upcoming bits and pieces. S

[Teacher_Mum]

by the by, MRI came back all clear and normal except for a follicle on the ovary which could be causing pain - pft - its not cancer its all good 🙂 one down one to go!

[samex]

Fabulous news! All ahead full for more positive news. Good luck. S

[Jules2]

Good to hear Teach ... keep up the good work!

[CATS]

GREAT news Teach - no surgery I presume? I loved the joke- and as a Catholic - I did what we do best - roared laughing. I am still waiting for the greatest miracle to happen with my nephew when he is told to do something - he does it!!! He would also love the 700 porcupines. I totally agree with having one spouse - monotony - been there hahahahahahahahaha My darling little Grade 1 niece told me a joke about pirates who were growing corn and selling them for 'A buck an ear'(buccaneer). Unfortunately she didn't understand what an ear of corn was nor what a buck is slang for - But she did tell it brilliantly - I explained it to her and she pretended it was funny!! Mrs Birthday Elton I am going to tell my nephew your sons' joke - he will love it. Also samex the farting in your classroom reminded me of a couple of weeks ago when I accidentally (did one) in front of my nephew - he very solemnly explained to me that 'it was toxic and very bad for the environment-we both ended up laughing so much that he couldn't help himself either- very funny.