heart breaking

[maddie86]

so i just thought id write this as another way to vent. Went to oncologist with my bf before chemo weds, he made him sign a form for medicare benefits ticking the 24 months or less box. He said 'i dont know what will happen but your cancer is agressive so we tick this box for now'. It made me feel so upset... i sat with him at chemo thinking and getting upset. I hate not knowing what might happen to him.. makes me feel sick. He's quite posative and in the right mind frame but its scary.. i cried myself to sleep beside him when he was asleep. Thinking of hish funeral- if it gets to that what will i be like? how am i supposed to cope? im only 23 how am i supposed to deal with this? he's the love of my life i dont know how to cope 😞

[purpleangels]

Hey Maddie! I know exactly what you mean about that stupid box on that form.... We went to Centrelink to hand in the form that our surgeon had signed...we did not look at it though. The lady behind the counter looked at it, shut it and said- "so, do you have any plans for the last two years"....as you can imagine, we just freaked out.....but our doctor was just doing 'what they do'.......anyway, we have had many moments in the darkness, spending lots of money doing cool stuff for Bob's 'last two years'!!! So far I reckon we would have had to have won Lotto about 10 times....but hey....no one really knows how long we have on this earth, so that is what we hold onto. It just makes us hug our kids extra tight and laugh at weird stuff, rather than get upset about what we just can not control.... Cancer is like the weather- people reckon they can predict what is going to happen, but at the end of the day it is Mother Nature's call. Hope this helps! And remember, crying can be funny, and a great way to control stress. I am sure the people I drive past on my morning trips to work look at me and think I am mental, as most mornings I turn up the music and bawl my eyes out, but then have a laugh at myself and by the time I get to work, apart from dodgy red eyes, I feel okay! Hang in there! PA xxx

[maddie86]

thanks 🙂 yeah that medicare stuff is just awful 😞 but i guess the docs are just ticking it because they want you to get as many benefits as possible.. it is true cancer is totally like the weather.. even with myself i have my days were im as happy as larry, the next day im just bawling my eyes out.. going to work in the morning is horrible! thats when i feel my worst.. at night when im lying next to him i cry silently sometimes, thinking why you? but i guess there's no time for that and we can only hope :) xo

[AmandaC]

hey maddie, I to went through this with my husband, we at the time had a 2 1/2 year old son. All I could think of is how can I get through this...what do I tell my son. We were actually told at xmas that my husbands cancer was very bad and he needed an op within the next week if we didn't end up in emergency before that. We did not know if it was operable I just had to use everything I ahd to be positive. By the time he got onto chemo we were told he was within weeks of loosing his life, I could not breath...but I knew he never listened to what they said and he also was very upbeat. 2 years later my husband is in remission and doing well, we have had another child through IVF and have just found out we are pregnant naturally with our 3rd. My point is there is great power in our attitude towards our illness, nothing is impossible. Stay positive and focus all of your energy on getting your boyfriend better.

[maddie86]

that story is really inspiring 🙂 i just find it hard to function.. getting up going to work still having a social life. I just feel so depressed, and am struggling. I guess they always say be posative and it always does work.. he has the right mind frame, he hardly talks about his cancer and still does everything he does. Statistics and stuff just scare me 😞 it is a hard long process. Am very happy he is in remission 🙂 congrats