losing hope

[#1]

my mother in law is losing all hope... it seems everyday is getting worse for her,, if not dealing with immense pain , she is feeling sick . down to 49 kilos. just informed us today if she is given the option of more chemo she wont have it . she seems to have given up and letting it take over... she is very upset. not sure the words i should say, i tell her i am her for her but what do you say to some one who has had enough and wants to get off this ride of hell.. this last week has been horrible for her.. get results of the scan today. very scary, scary to see someone you love losing the hope that once filled her eyes and now all she wants is out of this friggin nightmare that has become her life. love your family and friends and hold them close .. treasure there presence xxxx

[The_Rowan]

I am a cancer survivor (Endometrial Cancer), but at the age of 20, I watched my mother slowly dwindle away from Breast Cancer in the mid 80's. Mum tried to keep a brave face in front of the family, but we knew when she was at the point where she couldn't carry on for much longer. All I can suggest to you is to make her as comfortable as you possibley can and if her friends call and ask if it is ok for them to call in and visit, don't say "Not today. She's having a bad day. How about next week". Let them visit because it may just spark her up a bit.

[wombat4]

Just be there for her, and respect her decision. My wife after 2 yrs of fortnightly cycles of folfox then irrotecan, was becoming exhausted, when the 2 regimes started to have no effect on her cancer, she was offered a last resort, a chemo that had been around since the 1940s, she decided not to carry on with the treatment. The chemo was interfering with her thought process to such an extent that she had trouble focusing on the things she loved doing, mainly her writing, she was becoming too tired to go for a walk, or do her gardening They stopped the chemo because it wasnt working, and she decided she did not want any more. She knew that as the cancer was spreading thing were not going to get any better, and if you are in constant despair and increasing discomfort, life begins to loose its value. People should not have to suffer, a peaceful passing is better than more pain with very little hope of recovery. It is sad for everybody, not the least yourself who has cared for her over the time of her illness. god bless wombat4 wombat4

[SILLY]

Continue to be the loving daughter-in-law that you are.

[mazsa]

Jane, it is going to be so hard for you to cope with let alone your mother. I too 10yrs ago helped, cared for and watched my mother slowly and painfully give into the cancer. You somehow will find the strength in you to not let it show how it is affecting you as this is what your mother needs right now. She knows her time is nearly up and all decisions are now hers. Just be there with her and for her and let your love for her show. Having cancer myself and knowing it is terminal you do come to a stage where you are so sick and tired of fighting it. I am still fighting but I know that soon the time will come and I will say no more. This is your mothers choice and rightfully her decision to make. Try and make her as relaxed as possible and fill her life with love but talk to her and understand her. She is scared also.Talking about the ending may just help all of you in coping with it. My thoughts are with you.