each day is getting harder, im just starting to accept it more... it still seems surreal.. my bf is having his scan in 3 weeks and im so nervous.. what if its bad? what if the chemo hasnt worked? he's had 4 rounds already.. should this have done something? i live in fear everyday and ive had enough 😞
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Contributor
Hey maddie86! Scared probably doesn't even begin to describe it.....and patience is so hard to have when waiting for such a momentous occasion. You do get very sick of talking about, thinking about, worrying about cancer, treatment, coming back, going, successful, we don't know! It is surreal- what course did you ever do at school or uni to prepare you for this? We are all muddling through doing the best we know how, stuffing up, but still battling on. Keep going- you are doing a great job! You will be able to deal with the news you get in three weeks- don't doubt yourself! Take care of yourself too....Good Luck!
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Occasional Contributor
Hey Maddie, I completely understand what you are saying about living in fear. I am 28 years old and caring for my hubby with a non-operable brain tumour and I am sh*t scared! I feel like our future has been ruined and life will never be the same as I constantly have this dark cloud of fear hanging over my head. Everytime he has a headache or has an upcoming scan or dr. appointment I just feel sick to my gut. My hubby was a big strong gentle giant before all of this happened and I hate that I am now the one who has to be strong and I really struggle with that. These young men are supposed to be looking after us and yet here we are with the roles reversed. It is way too scary and overwhelming to think about the future when things are uncertain but I am finally learning to 'live in the moment' as I have been seeing a psychologist who is changing my way of thinking. I highly recommend speaking to a counsellor/psychologist etc as it is changing my life for the better (did not want to go on any anti depressants etc as wanting to have another baby). It is so wrong for us to be dealing with this horrible disease at such a young age and I hate it but I think I am starting to accept it (some days better than others. I hope that you are doing ok and I really feel for you as I can understand what you are going through. Here if you need to chat xo
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