Anger overwhelmed and I've lost my brain

[Ratty7]

Hi everyone, so thankful you're here to listen. 

Three days into my husband's prostate with metastases diagnosis. 

I'm angry, can't think a thought all the way to the end, and feel there's way too much I have to keep on top of. My hands are shaking. I'm swearing. A lot.

Problem I suppose is that I feel I can't express any of this. Or do my usual meditation or yoga cause I have to be there for him.

I think he'd much rather I wasn't hovering. 

When did you feel OK enough to back off from the hypervigilance?

[LindaG]

Hi Ratty7, maybe you should ask your husband if he needs more space. I know when I was going through treatment my husband wouldn’t leave my side. I really wanted him to still have a life but he wouldn’t. I def wouldn’t have minded if he left me occasionally. Nice to be so loved💕. Regarding his pain meds you should listen to what the specialist says. He can’t be in pain! 🙏 Linda 

[Andrrew]

We found out my partner has uterine sarcoma last July and that it would be terminal in the same half hour meeting. She felt she had let me down and I thought of what we were going to miss as a family and over the next couple of weeks, we realised we were both grieving for a future we had yet to lose. 
We learned to live for the next day and next week and stopped thinking too much about the future. Our anger, fear, guilt and sadness all came under grief for what had yet to happen. It didn’t take away the intense trauma we felt, but we could allow it to run through us. We couldn’t control what emotions we felt individually, but we did manage to accept them as a shared grief. 
Don’t turn down help when you need it and give each other space. 
I wish you both strength and love and hope you come through together. 

[Kazu]

Hi Ratty,

I am also in the same boat, or as some say-the same turbulent sea! My husband had bladder and prostate last year and was VERY much the same as you describe. He pushed me out. It's what he does even though he can see Im just trying to help. In the end I think they feel, for the first time, mortal and venerable-two things that go against his normal, stoic, martyrish ego. He's a wonderful man, so strong but cannot handle not being able to do the million things that he could whilst recovering for months. So my advice is to let him know that he is strong, he can push through and it's okay to have shit days, its just the body needing some time off. They seem to deal better in short sentences and facts. Try not to get angry at him, you're probably more angry at the future and the actual situation and all it holds rather than his behavior. Try to separate the two when you can. 

Sadly though, his cancer has metastasised to his lungs as we speak and the prognosis is not great. I am worried, even though I say the above that this time may be worse as it is more than likely terminal. I have spoken to him about it and begged him to not lock me out. I wish I had family and friends to vent to if and when he is being 'difficult' but I don't have many in my 'inner circle'. So I have to be strong and listen to what he needs. Hopefully we can go through this journey in harmony. 

Youre not alone and we are all united in grief here.

kazu