Hello, so I am very new to this. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 4 years. And he has been battling brain cancer for the past 2. I don't want him to die I love him and wanted to spend my life with him but his condition is worsening. I feel like he is slowly becoming less himself and the disease is taking over. I just feel that if he was to die that i would have nobody else. He was my person and I don't have any friends anymore as they left and we outgrown each other.
Please tell me someone has been in a similar position before? How do you deal with it? I feel so numb,empty and broken inside and the worst hasn't even happened yet!
The brain is so connected to personality and it is not surprising that you are noticing a change. Whether it is the disease or side effects from treatment is sometimes hard to tell. My Mum passed away this year after a four year battle with lung cancer that led to brain and spinal secondaries. It is understandable that you have become numb. You are grieving. You have a sense of loss already in the way your loved one and your relationship has changed. You may also be experiencing grief in anticipation of possible final loss. Find strength in this community... you are not alone...My heart broke long before Mum died, but I acknowledge that I was fortunate to have a supportive network of family and friends. Is it possible that the friends you have lost contact with would love to reconnect if they knew you needed their support? Is there a cancer support group attached to your boyfriend's treatment centre? There is no easy answer to the fear of being alone when an incredibly important relationship is changing. But don't let it rob you of the opportunity to be living and loving the moment with your boyfriend now. Sending up a prayer for you as you go through this tough time.
I guess I was in a similar situation. In Jul/Aug'11, my partner of 10 years was diagnosed with GBM and passed away in Sep'12. I'm a loner and private person. At the time, none of my friends and family knew that I had a partner. I didn't have any close friend when I had to deal with this. I was pretty much on my own. My partner knew about this so we made it clear right from the start that we would be opened and honest to each other, expressed our fear, and shared our thoughts. He understood we were in this battle together, not just himself. Fortunately, my manager at work was also extremely helpful and understanding. He worked in a different office but regularly called me to discuss work and to see how I was in general. I think it's important to have someone to talk to. I talked to people on this forum and a couple other cancer forums. I created a blog on this site as a way to let go of my feelings and any frustrations I had which I found very helpful.
As for feeling that you will be on your own after all this, I believe you will find a way. Someone gave me a very good suggestion at my partner's funeral - say 'Yes' to any invitations! Be open-minded and reach out to people you know, any friends you have. It doesn't matter how distant you are to these people. You never know what will happen next. A loner such as myself, somehow, found a way to connect with a couple of girls from university who migrated to Australia like me. We studied at the same department but were never really friends. Now I'm happy to say they are my friends and one of them has become my best friend actually. There's always a bright side of life 🙂
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