I am unsure how to word what I am going through but know that this forum would allow me to gather more comprehension on how I feel as what I have read through so far in the forum, we all mourn news and express emotions differently which is humbling to know as I felt like there was a linear way to feel when a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness (Sadness only) but reading other posts expressed, I can relate and feel some solace with the reminder we are all human with human emotions.
My 27 year old Brother was diagnosed with Stomach Cancer earlier this year and underwent Chemotherapy and a full Gastrectomy for it with the prognosis of a full recovery with additional Chemotherapy after the full removal of his whole stomach.
My Brother went in for his Gastrectomy in September this year and was only discharged last week after being in ICU and a Gastric Ward for almost 2 months. The doctors stated that when they had initially went in for surgery the cancer was only detected on his stomach, but when they had opened him up to operate they saw that the cancer was more aggressive than anticipated and they removed not only his stomach but his whole spleen, part of his large intestine, part of his liver and part of his pancreas as a extreme measure to ensure that the cancer does not spread to other vital organs (those organs seemed vital in my opinion but it was the best option that the surgical team believed for a longer life span for him).
After his recovery and finally returning home to family, It felt like he/we could breathe and have the hard part over which was the chemo sessions and major surgery. Fast forward to yesterday for a general follow up (I am his main support/carer) The Doctor had informed us that the biopsy of his organs removed and tests/scans ran during his time in the ICU/Hospital showed that the Chemotherapy he had underwent and Surgery he had was unsuccessful and he was diagnosed with Terminal Cancer with the estimated life expectancy of 2-3 years. This news broke my brother and myself and now I can't even express the emotions I am feeling after all that he went through. My brother is not the type to express himself in the truest form and uses Humour as a deflector, he is now making jokes about death etc. Which I know is inevitable but I cant help but feel hopeless and resentment that his chapter will end soon with no cure.
I feel like during the process, Hope and faith is what kept us going and after all the drastic medical procedures that he will be ok, only to be knocked back. I feel heart broken as he is my older brother/closest sibling I have, I am 24 and feel sick knowing that he is accepting it and that 2-3 years if radiation can pro-long his life span to that timeframe is all we have. I feel anger and resentment, I don't know why because he is the one going through it but I just hate the idea that his life will end in his 20's not experiencing life to the fullest and the idea in general of "life" without him in it. I am numb.
I seek advise on how to cope with the idea of him passing away soon and how to be there for him/ how to support him telling the final news to loved ones and friends in which he wants to wait for after this holiday season. Additionally, advice on how to accept the news myself as I am still praying for a miracle and in the denial stage that his diagnosis is even real after all the medical procedures he underwent to beat Cancer.
Hi Mafileo58, I felt so sad reading your story about your brother. How crushing for you and him after everything he has been through. You are both so young too. I am a cancer survivor but also experienced being a caregiver for my very unwell mum after dad died. I know some days I would feel completely overwhelmed physically and emotionally. Somehow I got through it until mum passed away. We managed to still have good times and make good memories. You are a wonderful brother to care so much. Just keep loving him, ask him what he needs from you. Make sure you have someone you can talk to honestly about your feelings and get support. Keep praying 🙏. I ask God to give you peace and courage. 💕🙏 LindaG
Be part of this supportive community