Cancer and a sex life - WHATS THAT????

[MiniDriver]

The unmentionable issue. Both my wife and I have a high sex drive and with the cancer, complications and treatment this has been stopped totally. We still cuddle and kiss but it’s all different now. The need to care and the creams potions and pills take the thrill away. It’s like we are different people. This feels strange and is placing different stresses on those we already have. Its like losing something precious, or having that precious thing there but always just out of reach. Have others faced this? Are there resources or help available? How have others coped with this sort of thing. Iain

[#2]

Hi Minidriver, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer 3 years ago at the lovely young age of 31. Things do return to some kind of normal, it just takes time. There are are really difficult things your wife is dealing with right now, both emotionally and physically, it is difficult for you too, but giving her time to come to terms with what she is going through and understanding is really important. When some time has gone by and she is healing she will tell you when she is ready. I hope that helps a bit. Its a touchy subject that most people dont want to talk about. The team looking after your wife will be able to help with any medical type questions you have & also the social workers are great. But I would say mostly just remember for the most part things can and do return to normal, just tell her you love her and offer her emotional support & the rest will follow in time. I had surgery, chemo and radiation and 2 kids to look after, that was exhausting, but I can tell you happily that things are just as great as they have always been but it took probably over a year for me to feel happy within myself again. We have a group here on cc your wife might be interested in joining, here is the link. http://www.cancerconnections.com.au/groups/gynaecological-cancer

[Jules2]

I had a cancer nurse visit me in hospital and tell me not to forget about my sexuality. Julie

[benlisecca]

Sox!!! Oops ...sorry....even forgot how to spell it. Sex! Not unmentionable at all. I guess I was probably about 3 months out before it even sort of crossed my mind..... I know that probably doesn't help you at the moment but as Vanessa says, let your wife take her time and be your guide. The poor old body has been poked and prodded enough during treatment and it's tough to start feeling like an "appealing" sexual woman again. Cold showers :-)!!! It does get back to normal eventually but it's all about time.

[MiniDriver]

Wow, what a very poor uneducated way to behave I sincerely hope NOT to come across that poor misguided individual. I hope that you wrote and reported this person to the hospital board of directors. I certainly would. Thanks for your response Iain

[MiniDriver]

Thanks so much for your response! (I think!) I know it requires time and adjustment. Its comforting to know that others have and are facing similar issues. Mini Driver

[Jules2]

Hiya Iain No, at the time i was far more occupied with other things. I just thought it was strange, although, its not such a bad thing to bring up per se. Just the timing of it was probably not the best. I think cancer patients need an initial consultation with a cancer nurse and then a follow up one and information given out at appropriate stages. I think trying to discuss sexuality at this point in time for me, was not worth it. 🙂 No offense intended on his behalf and certainly none taken on mine. Just thought it was strange! Julie

[MiniDriver]

My heart goes out to you, you are a very special Mum and woman. I can especially relate to the time spent with the treatment. My wife spends so much time either having the treatment or having supportive treatment. Fortunately we have a team of friends who give support while I am at work. It must have been very hard for you with children. It appears that the treatment is part-time to full time in the effort required! Its great to hear that things are as good as they have ever been for you, This has really brightened my week. Us poor old males tend to be such sexual creatures!! 😞 A year to 18mths is do able for me. Thank you Mini Driver

[MiniDriver]

Hi Julie Thanks for that. Sorry if my response was a bit strong. I am a bit sensitive at the moment, and am usually much more patient with people. Iain

[Jules2]

Hey Iain dont stress, i think if its one thing everyone on here understands that we are all not as we used to be :), i know i am certainly not. take care Julie