Endless feelings and emotions

Occasional Contributor

Endless feelings and emotions

First off, thank you to those who have taken the time to read my posts, i cant guarentee they will make sense to you , but im just glad someone is looking and reading . Cancer has hit my family in ways ive never imagined. 7 years ago i lost my Nanna 1 to cancer , im suspecting cancer as Nanna was a private person and didnt want people to know she was ill ,we all celabrated her birthday on the 7th and on my sons birthday on the 20th nan grew her wings, i spent every day with her , reading the novel to her she never got to read herself to the end, tend to her last needs and to hold her hand. Sadly i missed her passing and she was alone , like most she waited till i had left to tend to my sons birthday and passed on . A year later my Uncle was diagnosed with squasmous cell carcinoma, treatment didnt go well with no responses, DURING this time also his mum (my nanna2) developed non hodgkin lymphoma , now this stumps me and have a hard time overcoming that both members of my family HAVING 2 DIFFERENT TYPES OF CANCER.Both continued treatment my uncles cancer took over and within the year he passed away also. Nanna2 went on to have chemo and with great happiness went into remission for 5 years , until Dec 2012, Nanna2 had been experiencing deteriation in health due to dementia, frail old age and illnesses that come with it and was admitted to hospital Nov 2012 with pnemonia, while in hospital i noticed some changes in my Nanna2 with her dementia and wellbeing, her walking deteriated quickly and she could no longer hold her own weight, test after test and nothing until a week later doctors tell us they suspect lung cancer, no tests needed to be done as they were pretty sure, i was heartbroken my nanna was not coming home now. Everyday i went to the hospital while she was alert and still with us made sure she would eat , and just sit with her , i could see the change in her eyes when i talked to her , i could tell my nanna was no longer the same , Dementia hit hard and i knew that she no longer remembered me ,i was now a stranger to her , the last thing i heard my nanna tell me was that she was scared but didnt know why . MY HEART BROKE . and even now typing this im crying my eyes out . I told her there was no need to be scared anymore and if she felt her time was nearing to let go and be free. The next day she slipped into a coma and i spent every day n night tending to her and doing the jobs that the nurses were doing for her until she grew her wings. My nanna2 was my angel on earth and when she left , a part of me died that day also .7 months later and im shattered still and cannot deal with nanna2 not being here. And yet another blow to our family my mother 2 months ago was diagnosed with non invasive breast cancer, im floored , how much more can we endure ? So doctors say Mum needs to have operation to remove lump, which she has, then to be told that she needed second surgery and that would be it, which she has, then to be told no you need to have radiotherapy which she is 3 weeks into another 2 weeks to go, my fears are that the worst will happen , i cant function as i once did as this is overcoming my life, i now fear my mum will end up with the same fate as my other family members, i cant bear for this no more. Next week im off to the doctors for testing myself , im scared shitless so to speak, im doing this on my own as i dont want to worry my mum and my kids. I dont have friends for support , hence why im here , i need support and guidence anthing to help me make it through these times
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Super Contributor

Re: Endless feelings and emotions

We seem to hear of more and more people we know getting cancer . I think it is more common than I'd realised before I was diagnosed . I think diagnostic techniques are improving and so are treatments . In the past I suspect that many died from other causes without even knowing that they had cancer as well . It is a wise move to be checked out yourself ,so that you can have more peace of mind and hopefully that is all you get from this . You need this for you and for your kids . Wishing you well .
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Super Contributor

Re: Endless feelings and emotions

What a truckload to deal with! I'm so sad that all this has happened to you and your family. Remember to be kind and patient with yourself as you deal with all this- if you find it overwhelming (and who wouldn't!), counselling may help give you more coping mechanisms. Sending you cyber-hugs, love Emily
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