Hi Nat, Terese and Sunshine
Just big hugs to all
Yeah the talking it’s a never ending story regurgitating feelings only to arrive at where you/I started. One day it will change,…one day. I do it as it takes some of the edge off but for me its also good with just knowing and connecting with others who have similar experiences ie you Nat, Terese and now Sunshine. You are all good women, the people who you care for are a high ask, it frustrating, anger inducing and a horrid experience to encounter with litttle thank from those that are dying on us. Your compassion is remarkable, you have journeyed with them to this stage of their lives and maybe will continue to do so.
nat to reinforce what has been previously said Re pallative care, I am now doing 24 hour caring after her seizures and I couldnt do this alone without the pallitive care, just that they are there with emotional support (and if necessary so that you can get the time away from your partner - respite)
Also get meals on wheels I initially thought that the food would be pretty horrid but its not too bad (well here at Forster and at $7.50 per meal, per person). It also allows time free from cooking/cleaning the main meal its a god send for that free time.
Hey just got Lorraine off to bed after toileting her etc. I went to toilet whilst peeing happily away (I have a few hours to myself before bed)…….now …..oh what is that a dark shape across my toe - a leaf that the cat has bought into the house and somehow it has attached itself to my toe? Dark thoughts also crepe/crossed my mind, nah it can’t be, she is just toileted, into bed and clean a whistle, she had a sh_t yesterday….. it’s all cool. A closer inspection…oh sh_t ….it is a sh_t, bloody sh_t.
After cleaning said toe, then found evidence on my jeans, but back to her bed thinking as it just some polyp size probably escaped after flatulence, (I recall that as I had made comment on the rather strongish aroma after the flatulence when just before getting her into bed) no stuff on floor or in other areas ….oh dear found a touch on the safety rail of the hospital bed,…..easy, it’s cool, so clean that up, check her pants ahh some residual – I am thinking a quick bed bath covering the area…. still not too bad and its confined within pants and not on bed linen.
Now to attend to her pants. Get glove, wipes, position chair and think through process to lessen movements (she has started having pain issues in stomach/bowels- any movements can be pain inducing)
All set. Rip incontinence disposable pants off (note anyone reading this and do not have experience that these pants are actually designed for ripping at the sides for an easier removal while patient inbed) and idol male thoughts of long forgotten passion begin to stir in the background upon said ripping, oh why was this not around when I was 17 (thoughts forgotten now as a by-product of the GBM). Oh sh_t ….it is a large messy sh_t, its everywhere within the pants, oh bloody sh_t.
After the full blown realisation I have a large clean up job, my background male thoughts are once again quickly thrown back to the cold wilderness for their death by undeeded deeds,…… and then a thought sips through….. ahh that will teach me for my inappropriate comments at the time of the rather strongish aroma of her flatulence (flatulence that lead to all this)….. So now I must remember…. smart arsed remarks have the capacity to return to their maker, in so lots of different ways.
Now to get her out of bed without spillage onto linen, onto shower commode and to bathroom. Night shirt saved , bed linen not so lucky – so strip bed and lucky me some more washing.
Sometime later I finish. Lorraine safely in bed, snores away seemingly oblivious of issues. But its Ok I can talk about the experience, make fun of the stuff that happens (and it is stuff in hindsight, it’s just getting to the point where I can call it hindsight and then recall it as a remarkable experience – she has allowed me to be with her at this important corner of her life, it something that I often forget).
Bless her for she will die and not far in time. I love her and after I will miss even this part of a crappy story that binds us together.
Also a times I wish for the nightmare to be over and I can get on with my life. I get so fed up with how it is, and Lorraine's non answer to the 10 times that I have ask a closed and simple question.... as her attention was not there but in an ever expanding neverland. There is so little in quality of her life now.
Geoff