How do you stop thinking, reading, leanring askiing about cancer and live life?

[choc2rule]

Hi Glendalee I suppose that is what your friends want to do-they want to help and fix what is wrong with no real idea of how you feel or what YOU want. People find it hard to listen. They have 2 ears but seem to only use their mouths to say their piece. Most people cant listen, they need to solve others' issues. My advice would be to find someone who will and CAN listen even if that is Lifeline or a counsellor. They are meant to be impartial and you are the one who will do the talking-they WILL listen. WHy do you have to explain it all to your friends-just say Mike is sick and I need your friendship at the moment, just sit with me and lets listen to the wind(or something like that) just so they get the message that you will talk when you want to and not when they want. Does Mike want you to tell others about his illness? just a thought.It is the most difficult road to travel when you cannot help the sick person not have pain, or feel sick or feel like you cannot help in any way. Sometimes you cannot do anything for them just be there, as you need with your friends. Dont be scared to say you need friends to just be with you. Just sitting and crying together can be a very personal close experience. I dont know how you are feeling Glendalee but I know how I felt. These thoughts are from me and what I would liked to have had when my dad was sick but did not. I hope you have good friends who can help in some way Margaret

[AmandaC]

Hey Glendalee, Let me start buy saying I am so sorry to hear about your partners illness, how incredible hard it is to put all the information available to good use. Let me start buy saying I am a survivor (4 year remission) and my partner is now (2 years remission), they were equally incrediblly dark times in my life. The informatio available inculdes all age groups and demographic so its hard to say whats right for the individual. My hisband was told he was 2 weeks from deaths door wnhen he had his life changing surgery, everything we looked at said it was aggressive and chances of survival low...we just stopped looking. We agreed to what information we felt was helpful and what was really self distructive, it really is a juggeling act. I still say it was worse seeing my husband go through it than me, I felt so helpless. However, i was strong, positive and there very second I could be. Statictics can be limiting my husband defyed the odds, I totally believe you to can do it. What an amazing strong survivor you are, knowing that extra support (yes even online) is going to make you a better support network for your hubby. All the best to the both of you. Amanda XX

[#3]

Thank you everyone for your support and insight. I have tried asking for what IU need fromk friends snd its like I must be talking so foriegn language because they still continue to do the same things. My best friend keeps telling me she is doing what I need but in reality she is almost always in fix it mode. I dont need a fixer but a good ear. Thank goodness for sites like these. my prayers to you all. Glenda