Husband doesn't want to do chemo

[worriedwife]

My husband was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer in early July and had his colon resection late July. The surgeon is confident all of the cancer was removed but due to lymph nodes being involved chemo is always done as  a "mop up". My husband is currently doing his 5th of 12 treatments and each time it gets worse, he says he wants to stop chemo that he can't take the side effects anymore and that he can go through all of this and it can still have it come back. I hate seeing him feel so sick with chemo but I also don't want him to stop chemo. I keep encouraging him to to continue as we want him to have the best chance at survival and stage 3 is curable. What am I suppose to do and feel if he ends up choosing to stop chemo?

[Budgie]

Hi worriedwife,

At the end of the day, if he wants to stop the chemo there's not much you can do - it's his choice.  But would he be interested in perhaps having a lower dose, or maybe switch to a different drug?  I don't know much about which drugs are used for colon cancer, but it would be wise to ask the oncologist if there is some room to maneuver?  

All the best

Budgie

[worriedwife]

Thank you for the reply. I know it's his choice I guess I don't understand why he would want to do that given the risks of not doing it. I know I don't know how he feels and I get that. We have an appointment with the oncologist on friday to talk about adding the other chemo drug that he has yet to have and now he is saying he may not do it if it's going to make him feel worse It makes me so scared.

[Budgie]

I totally understand your fear, & his. 

When you're feeling absolutely wretched, & there's nothing in the world that can make you feel better; & feeling like this 24/7 - it's bloody awful.  It seems like there's no end in sight.   It saps all your will & strength to do anything.

Has your husband had any contact with palliative care nurses?   They are a brilliant bunch of people who can offer lots of advice & suggestions on how to combat the side effects of chemo.  You should be able to get a referral from your hubby's oncologist or GP.

They can also refer you to a counsellor or social worker if either or both of you would like to talk with someone.  There is also a great deal of info on this site on how others have dealt with the side effects. 

Don't forget to take care of yourself, & your mental health, as you need taking care of too.

I hope your hubby changes his mind & attitude.  Attitude is a major part of beating cancer.  Please let us know how things progress.

Take care worriedwife 

Budgie