I don’t know how to feel

[Mattie]

My partner just causally mention he felt the the lump he has on one of this testicular may be getting bigger. He has had this lump for almost 10 years now which he has checked the first time he found it. 

He has been very reluctant to talk about it. He refused to talk about going to the doctors and the more I push him to do so , the angrier he gets. I know that he has to do this in his own time. 

I feel so so angry when he refused to talk about it. He shuts me out whenever I try to bring up the topic of going to the doctor. 

I fear the worst. It’s just the person I am. But I know we need medical advice. Right now , I am just feeling like I’m in a bad dream and can’t wake up .....

I try googling for answers. I try to look for similar cases, old testicular lump growing etc etc. In the end. I just scare myself into tears. 

This is the worst feeling. Waiting for him to come to his senses. Waiting for him to realise that the best thing for him is to seek medical advice. I just want him to be healthy and I hope it’s not too late when he seeks help. 

[little_stitcher]

Hi Mattie, as soon as I read the title of your post I thought "That's the correct answer".  There is no right way to feel about the situations that bring us to this forum, and I think that's why this fourm is so valuable, so we can support each other through our emotional mazes.

Having said that, can I encourage you to stay away from Google for the time being? It only brings stress and fear.  I would only ever google exact diagnoses, never symptoms- try googling 'head ache' and before you know it you'll be convinced you've got a brain tumour.  It might be useful for you to talk to a GP about the situation yourself- they may be able to give you some useful concrete information, or at least some coping strategies until and if your partner decides to act. 

In the meantime I wish you many lovely moments each day.  Keep in touch!  Emily