I don't know if it's worth it

New Contributor

I don't know if it's worth it

So I was with my boyfriend for about a year before he was diagnosed with stage 2 HL. He happens to gall in the 15% who doesn't respond to the standard treatment and has had many infections/ complications along the way. As a last resort he will be getting a stem cell transplant around March.

I have spent half of our relationship constantly giving him all my free time l, attention, and enegery. I am quite burnt out. Now I'm wondering if this will even be worth it. Our whole relationship has always been about him and everything he has going on in his life. I feel completely neglected. Anytime I have talked to him about it, he just refuses to accept how I feel and does nothing different. I feel like i am not even a part of his life. I have so much anger and resentment towards him. We've gone to councelling, but he seem to listen to anything being said. 

Since we only had about a year of getting to know each other, I'm scared that this is just the person he is. I just don't know what to do. 


Super Contributor

Re: I don't know if it's worth it

 Hi Nikki29,


I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend, but I'm also very sorry to hear about you and the lack of support and communication.

Do you have a support network around you?


The more you read about carers experiences on here, the more you'll hear about their experiences with a lack of support from both their partners and their partner's family.

How long has he had cancer for now?


I think that some thing that often gets overlooked along the way in these situations, is that the carer is not of use to anyone unless the carer also looks after themselves. And I say this as someone who has had both had cancer and had family members with cancer.





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New Contributor

Re: I don't know if it's worth it

He has been battling cancer for about a year now. If everything stays on schedule, he will be getting his transfusion at the end of March. He will be staying in the hospital for about 4 weeks aftwards, assuming there are no complications.

I have a few people that I can talk to, but what I'm really frustrated with is him. I've even told him to do or say little things that make me happy, but he just doesn't. I'm on the fence about staying with him. It's been a long time since I've reay felt happy with him, and he doesn't seem to care about anything. 



Re: I don't know if it's worth it

The fear of death and the pain from treatment can make people behave badly - if you get a chance, check out the forum post titled “how to cope with anger”. A lot of carers describing their own situations with loved ones being... hard. 


As for your situation - I would advise to do what’s best for you and then work out how to do that in a kind manner (but being aware that there may be pain/hurt as a result regardless) 

For example - if you decided to stay with him, then perhaps organise 2 days a week where you guys spend away from each other? He could stay with his family during that time?  But basically a chance for you both to breathe.


Or another option if you decide to leave and he has no other carers available - look into options of getting paid help and discuss with him /his family before you leave.


This being said - I don’t know your situation so if you feel that you need to leave immediately then do that. The fact you’re on here seeking advice suggests that you are a good human being and that if you felt that you needed to go that route - it would be because of a very good reason. 

He may be going through a lot but YOU count too!


Good luck! 

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